Sick and Sick Again...

Just recovered from a high fever and I find myself waking up to a new ailment today. I wonder what is with my weak constitution nowadays. Today I woke up feeling dizzy somehow. When I close my eyes I literally feel the world spinning around me and it made me incredibly nauseaus as I felt that I was getting sea sick on land. To make matters worst, on my own bed.

I had my breakfast of a chicken burger bought yesterday. I thought it tasted a little sour but just dismissed it. But never did I know it would be a costly price to pay. About an hour after that breakfast I started feeling more nauseaus than ever. I started taking trips to the bathroom to puke for I felt terrible. I tried sleeping but then when I close my eyes the world would spin and I felt all the more like vomitting. I felt extremely uncomfortable and the worst was as much as I had this feeling of disgust I was also feeling hungry. But whatever I ate I puked... So no point eating. I just felt immensely horried =/////

I wonder what is with my body these days. I get sick so easily. And my ailments neverending. After recovering from an illness I find myself in a new one. It's as if I'm going to go through all the sickness in one big rollercoaster ride. A flu, a cold, a cough, nauseau and now food poisoning. I dare not think what is to come next for me... I really feel so sick... =X

Counting The Days to Come

It's a long time since I last posted anything. Would consider this a dead blog if not updating now. Times are moving rather quickly now. No... perhaps time had always moved as it does now. But when big things are impending it always gives people this delusion. It's almost time to fulfill my patriotic duty. Which somehow starts to give me knots in the belly. I was thinking maybe NS isn't going to be as great as I expected.

I mean sure, they have seaside views and three meals catered for. There would also be constant lookout to ensure you are safe and in order... etc etc But let's face facts that these are no accomodations for a first class beach resort. No! They are rather the shackles of my freedom at least for the next two years, and my trip away from home. Something which I wished for but is now getting nervous to have my wish come true.

The dramatics of life I suppose. A neverending lineup of 'extraordinary' events of a storybook titled the laughs and sobs of zhaomian. I'm starting to train for NS now... Quite happy I've released some shackles of my own body. And yes... I've managed to lose some of those stubborn pounds, but nevertheless that in itself is a neverending war I wage with my biochemistry.

I've been getting feelings of dread as we grow older. It's as if life such got a whole lot complicated as we get to choose our futures. Things used to be set up for us to step on. But now times have changed. Lose out on the scholarship applications and you may very well condemn your own dreams. Choose the wrong course, and hell hath no fury for the lost soul. I have to make so many decisions in so little time. Of course I understand everyone is going through the same. But I still feel like a kid, still too young to take that first step to chart my destiny.

I'm shyly admitting that I still play with toys and imagine fighting scenes with magicks and such. Things people probably moved on already. I also watch cartoons and laugh at them. I really feel like I have two faces. The face of a child when I play with my toys and talk to my plushies, and the face of a man when I interact with people in the 'adult' and social circle.

Whatever it is... This ordeal that is to come. An ordeal called NS... I count the days to come and had even dreamt of its arrival. Perhaps it's just that I've been thinking too much about it... But whatever the case, this rite of passage to become a man as the ministry of defense calls it... No matter what I feel about it... I know it will come one day... and very soon indeed. May the night still be young for I wish for a dream I had yesterday... to continue on like a mini saga of my own making... good night

WAR!!!

I am here to declare war on my fats. zzzzz When i look at my facebook pictures my eyes burn. LITERALLY burn up like paper in a stove. I look so fat for god's sake. =.= I seriously I ask myself why and why a thousand times how I ended myself up in the same plight that was inflicted upon me a few years ago. I swore to god then that this horrible disease by fire it be PURGED. yet today... I find myself in yet another familiar scenario. Feeling my own fats in my body is probably the worst thing that I can ever feel. It's as deadly as feeling a tumour on your body each and every single day. And it is just as toxic to the mind and self-esteem as with that of bullimia and depression. Oh my god horrible horrible disease to mankind. Selfish now I am... But why can't god just make our bodies excrete out the excess fats so that we may live a more happy and joyful life... arghhh.... the rigours of living and the pain of reality.

How now brown cow???? I am dead jealous of the obscenely thin and people with blackholes for stomachs. Feel like taking a knife and cutting out all the adipose so that I may free myself from my prison-like body. Sometimes even feel like drinking dettol so that some sort of hydrolysis reaction may hydrolyse away all my fats. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sanity is in short supply in my head when the topic of the fats comes to my head. Like a mongoose and snake. We're sworn enemies, enemies to the blood and of the soul. With what sanity I have i hate. With all in me i try to expel. It's like fighting a demon that takes over you every single day.

The horror. THE HORROR. The curse is back. and there is only one way to eliminate this awful curse. To have a fairytale ever after and to rid my world of all that is purely evil. Where thou art thou the miracle to my problems and the god to my rescue in the darkest of hours. The deadly impacts of obesity on the mind. It pains me to no end to see myself as well as the other accursed ones afflicted by this terrible curse. I used to be such a quiet and shy kid. But when i finally said bye bye to the fast one day i opened up like a butterfly from a chrysalis. And today I find myself caccooned up slowly again by that nuiance of a substance. The bane of this world. The terrorist to my social life.

Oh no... Now how now brown cow? Tell me how? I wanna declare war again. And this time NVR EVER NVR EVER am I going to fall into the honey trap of this evil spirit again. Never ever do i want to put myself through weightloss programmes becuz they are a living hell to speak off. These are the true evils of the world today. More serious than the terrorists, more serious than the many deadly viruses. Maybe less than the apocalypse. But still a BIG problem. ARGHHH I HATE U!!! NEVER HATED SOMETHING SO MUCH!!! Becuz u are a wrecker of human lives. My LIFE namely!!!!

Minutes to the DAY

It's a long long time since I posted something in this dying place. Been super busy with teaching which I find is so stressful that I may just end up getting depression if I stay on in this career track. Hence probably I'm going to take teaching out even though my mentors say I am very good at the job.

SO SO SO TOMORROW IS THE BIG BIG DAY =X Been vomitting in the morning since two days ago. Nagging on the phone and all. Seriously I'm spooked at the outcome yet curious to know. But I am fully clear about the chances of an accident. I actually have a very smart cousin from NJC who usually got A for everything. But when she got her A level results last year, she actually got all As EXCEPT a BIG UGLY D for GP. *GASP* >.<

I can literally imagine myself in the picture. One small mistake and its out of the game. The game to be the top scholar of JJC. Getting PW A alone was a miracle. I start to wonder if god would send me yet another miracle. Because all those times i bothered Ms Huang with consultations at ulu hours like 6pm makes me super guilty if I did not manage to clinch an A for GP. Sorry ah Ms Huang =/ If tmr I dun get an A for GP. I really will feel very bad and won't dare to see you ever again. =X

Alright... writing all these make me wanna vomit again. SERIOUSLY. SO I'll stop. I still have to go MI to teach in the morning!!! sian zzzzz Wah seriously going to puke liao =.=''' BYEEEEEEE

Prequel Before CNY

I just realised that it has been a long time since I posted a picture in my blog. Well CNY is just round the corner, and because of work, I dun even have time to clean my room yet. It was a super busy and dramatic week. This week was actually the first time that I was going to teach a class. Somemore my first time had to be 5 classes in a row. I came up with this wesome lesson plan that was apparently so good that it created more stress... =.= Namely because the method I employed was so creative that the whole geography department heard of its success in the first class I went to and so all wanted to sit in for my lesson to see my so called 'puppet show'. So imagine, a class of students with a teacher teaching and 5 other teachers sitting behind to watch zzzzzz.

But really I think I outdone myself LOLOLOL. I thought my way of teaching the flexible production system was awesome. haha. So my supervising mentor's comments were that I was very serious and diligent. The students could see that I was sincere because i memorised all their names even before they even met me. (I actually asked the teachers to give me the class list to memorise ahah) The puppetshow idea was also really brilliant and good. So in short they said I was a good teacher ^^V. Even for chemistry practical. I was taking the chemistry practical lesson that day as well... The teacher said I was actually not bad at all =D Well even though probably I could do teaching, the thing was I am damn tired =/ I mean I have to teach the EXACT same lecture for all my geography classes. Same thing over and over. I so sian by the second lesson already =.= GOSH. and next week, I have to do the same lesson for 2 other classes. =.='''''''''''''''''''''''

Oh OH and I actually brought into class this tibetian bell to control the students when they were too noisy and it worked like a charm. AWESOME. One student actually said...' Cher... u SO COOL' XD LOLOLOL Well enough about the teaching thing. So basically my week went by like that because all the lessons were killing me like SERIOUSLY =.= Thank all our teachers REALLY, becuz being a teacher is SO SO HARD. And I am not even handling any CCA or marking. That would have made my life utter hell zzzzz.

So went shopping for new year clothes on my own today. Got all these cool clothes and I was quite shock how I could spend $500 in an hour to buy my new year clothes. But oh well... the $$$ is given by my parents for new year shopping anyways hahaha. So might as well spend all. I bought so much branded goods la my god. lol One polo tee i buy for $70+. But it was really nice hee

To end things all up for today... I just wanna say that... I guess the time is about to be here again... I'll definitely say something, becuz i hardly get a chance. But I will always know that it will nvr happen... =/ But I just want u to know that... I'm really not kidding or saying things lightly when I do... I was being... genuine about it... =X I'm not that great after all... it's true =/ In fact that sentence thrown at me last time is still left etched in me... That I recall it ever so often that it reminds me that I am nvr that perfect in anything... Nvr truely deserving things unless it is earned through work and time... actually... I really have nothing to counter =X It is as it is said... not that great... ... =/

First Time Worker

This would be the very first time that I am actually earning a salary for myself. lol. I have to say this though... In the 2 weeks and a bit that I have been in MI doing teaching internship, I really really have a new found appreciation for teachers. being a teacher is really so HARD and so tiring. I usually just come home and collapse without noticing. And worst is when I wake up there is still answer keys to rush for deadline, past year qn compilation works and of couse preapring for lessons and doing the homework of finding interesting videos and all to share during the lecture/tutorial class. =/

I'm dead beat. Dun even have time to like post blog posts for the past few days. It's just stress and more stress. This thursday I am like going to have 8 periods of lecture with 4 different classes... zzzz And to be honest I am like damn nervous that I will be like all shakey or experience technical difficulties. I seek refuge in my dreams only to have dreams of me teaching in school =.= When I wake up it's like I just came back from work like that =////

Teaching definitely has it's good sides. I mean the satisfaction of it all when a student gets it. And seeing students do well and acknowledge u is just awesome. But not to brag or anything. But I realise that my chemistry is really quite powerful ah LOLOLOL. I won't lose to RJC ppl and some concepts I am actually stronger than the new teachers haha probably cuz I just took A levels so the concepts are fresh in my mind. Still makes me kinda happy though HAHAHA. P.S I also have like some uni knowledge from the chemistry olympied thing so ^^V. kk enough bragging.

Actually the reason why I posted today is becuz I suddenly have this thought and feeling. Actually kinda miss certain times and images of ppl seem to get blurred with time. I'm starting to wonder if it is going to be soon forgotten. Where layers and layers of sand cover things up. The sands of time and the derbis of saturated work life. If it is so I truely feel sad... As I struggle to find that feeling back only to find it diminishing every single day, as I hold on tight to what is to soon probably be ethereal.

Until that day comes... I will try my very bestest to keep that feeling. Becuz forever means something in some point of one's life. And to see forever be validated by harsh reality it just goes to show how dreams can never ever come true. to pretend that I dun care is just running away. Becuz things do matter to me. But I am human =X I can only try, never to know the outcome. But I know i will nvr be satisfied if things go on like this. So I'll try... =/

I watched a shojo anime... only to start having new expectations. Gosh anime poisoning again =.=

Sunny Days and Thoughts

It has been quite awhile since I last posted something. But was either too busy or too tired to do so. Being a teacher is really very tiring and life-draining curiously. It kind of makes me really appreciate my teachers for who they were and what they did. I came into this teaching internship initially to be truthful just to prove myself worthy that I could be selected because teaching was never really something I wanted to do. But these few days have sort of proved me wrong.

Because as busy as I am... I realise that I am enjoying every single day. Sure, going home by taking 2 buses is really really really ANNOYING. But the time I spend in school I really do find myself happy. So... perhaps teaching ain't so bad after all. And to boost, my geography is really really powerful right now. I've even got to master my urban topic even though I didn't study it for my A levels. ^^V Being attach to the Drama club as my CCA has been one of the greatest things that have happened so far. I got to have my face painted =) and the students also like invite me to rehearse with them. This was a time I got to show off my drama-skills LOL and get credited for it hohoho

Chemistry practical sessions are extremely exciting. I get to see organic synthesis reactions which are AWESOME btw. They actually did the synthesis of azo-dye which JJ nvr let us do zzzzz. So that's all I have to say for work. Avidly preparing for lessons and doing my homework of memorising the whole class's name because if they are willing to learn then I will put in the effort to do my homework to get to know the students better =) That and I probably need to read up more on geography current affairs because I lack the width to share interesting info with the class. =X That being said... I am aspiring to be a strong, independent individual. Fingers crossed though that a lvls get all As.... Something that goes through my mind everyday =////

Been thinking of some rather intriguing notions which is interesting in it's own way. Depressing things too perhaps... and also a harsh reality to face =/ Ah well... that's all I have to write for today