Desert

I don't know why... because I felt so sad; I got so dashed; my hopes were shattered and I told myself it's time to accept what I refused to believe. I cry a lot over drama serials and even other daily things... but when I truely wish I could cry for this one... I only feel pain but my eyes are dry =///

Can You Hear Me?

I tried to establish something which I felt was slipping away. I wanted to give up but then I watched a show and decided that maybe I shouldn't be so rash afterall. Deep down I know that it will never happen like how I imagined because things just don't work that way for this sort of thing. Still I can't stop myself from dreaming so I'll still hang on for it's the only thing I can do now... And tonight I'm calling all astronauts, all the lonely people that the world forgot... Can you hear me? =X

Facade Of Life

It seems pretty obvious to me that whatever is happening nowadays; whatever is going through my mind is translated to my incessant instinct to blog entry after entry. Somehow I just don't feel like talking to anyone about it, and the only other way I can think of to clot the bleeding wound is to write it all out and feel better afterward...

No matter what happens we must still continue to live and to survive. Living is after all about surviving and making a name for yourself in this world where everyone is the same- everyone is merely human. Yet despite the harsh realities that we visit every single day-and sometimes things get so depressing you swear you want to just break down-we find ourselves just living it off like every normal day. Masks as I said it... A mask for every occasion; for every purpose.

I don't want to think so much so much anymore; as if engrossing in daily work is enough to make me forget... because those quiet moments are always intermittent throughout the day. I marvel at how I read other people's blogs and whatever they say seem to make so much sense and I ask myself the question: Why didn't I think of that? =X

I wonder though... with each mask after the other... What is the true face of the holder when everything seems to be just a glossy picture and a lie. This truely is the facade of life.

I Don't Think So =/

I don't think so... I think all this was just me being the one-sided fool that I've always been. This sort of thing always requires two hands to clap =/// I feel really hurt inside but tell myself to not jump to conclusions. A part of me wishes to just cry it all out or even force a confrontation though it'll definitely make things ugly...

I do feel sad... ... That's the truth. You hurt me quite a lot with the actions =X Because I only find myself keep asking the question that resonates in my mind: Why did you do that sia? =///

Like A Rose

It's a strange sort of feeling that as much busy and spirit-draining a task might be, somehow at the end of the day the end-rewards lingers like honey in the mouth. I cannot deny the truth that I find myself enjoying the entire process as much as I always deny the fact that I do. Bottomline: I can lie to everyone but never myself... But I guess I am just too proud to admit it and I think it would make me look weird too. Pride is indeed a scary sin =X

I would never have put in so much passion otherwise and expended so much energy and stay so cheerful throughout. But everything comes with a 'but', otherwise life would've been a bed of roses from he start... It's all because behind the beautiful bouquet of red luscious roses hides the intertwined maze of thorny branches.

I've flt embarrassed and ashamed of myself for a long time simply because I am a boy sailing aimlessly in a vast ocean that sees no boundaries or whatsoever to coast towards. A vast ocean as they say hides infinite possibilities, and unlimited pathways to the future, but to think it myopically and pessimistically just shows how shallow I am to dream. We are after all... all dreamers hoping to live in a fantasy of our own making.

We all have probably many years down the road... But we all know life like all things will come to an end... A nightmare which you thought you would never wake up does so; A good story or a movie does; And so does Pokemon one day when the creator is just so tired of making new pokemon lol

What I am trying to say is that even until today... Where I am standing now and breathing and thinking... I have absolutely no direction towards the future. I count and live through everyday like there's no tomorrow. Remember the things I want to keep close to my heart because I'll never know when destiny so decides that I have to move on to another world...

But perhaps... I should be more honest with myself and also be honest with everyone else... I may often appear to talk about my feelings and problems a lot... But deep down... I don't really like to talk about somethings and it feels as though a bottled coke is about to burst =/ Like a rose... Everything always appears cheery and sunshine. But just delve a little deeper sometimes... And see that ugly stems of thorns that hide behind; But that's why they support us and is thus strong- They are the experiences we have in live that keeps us strong. But do be careful... and thorns may prick too. Ouch!

A Promise To Remember

Work life so far had been quite enjoyable, and I really enjoy every bit of it, minus all the sleepy and mundane parts of course. But of course, all these wouldn't have been possible without a group of friends that make every single day so colourful and also so worthy to look forward to =) A friend did told me just a few days ago that certain things need not require that much thinking.

It will always be good to delve deeper and reflect upon yourself, but ultimately, I guess... If going deeper is going to make you sink further into a path of no return, then what use is there to do so then? Distracting myself daily with the funny and pleasant things around me. There are so many times when I feel like saying something, but hold it back because I suddenly feel like certain things; certain stories are just not meant to be said...

Alas... At the end of each day when I listen to my mp3 on the long trip home pass the quiet cemetery and through the bustling shopping malls; when I switch on my X-mini and go to sleep; when I wake up in the morning and drag myself to work... I always remember something... And I close my eyes and try to make out an image that I fear will blur in days to come...

It'll forever be a distant memory that I will not forget... But all the feelings that I have today... all those feelings I had yesterday... I wonder if they would also be translated to tomorrow? =/ Will it be that sad that things you really wish to remember at that frozen point in time fade as new memories come in... Because I really dun ever for a second want that to happen... But I'm human =X Just a HUMAN... I can only remember this many things... So I look down into the bottom of my heart and remember a promise I made...

Have you made a promise- ask yourself honestly-to yourself... ... At that point in time when you were so helpless and so hopeful at the same time yesterday?

What I've Been Feeling Since That Day

I have to be perfectly honest that I feel inferior, because everyone around me seems to be perfect looking on the outside. They have good figures and the confidence that I am sure will bring them to excel. I can always hide behind masks and protect myself. Put on a facade that people may think I am so thick skinned. But the truth of it all is I feel fugly =/

I always have this feeling that if I looked better I could do all these things. What am I to say... when it is pretty obvious how this society works: Looks appeal to the eyes of the beholder. Fact: I hate being fat... I absolutely hate being so big-sized. Because when I see my other friends, my buddy wear such nice clothes. It is as if the clothe were made for them to wear and never for someone like me =X

That is why I crave so much to change myself. I want to be confident again. Confident of my looks, my personality. It may seem dumb and foolish but also because in doing so I wish my friends might just treasure me more. I don't really care what other people is going to say anymore about what I am about to do. I only know... I only know... There is not a single person who would truely have understood how I have felt all these years... =/ Everybody has a sad story and this would probably be mine... A tale of how someone struggled with himself because he himself hates to himself...

This is going to be the greatest change in my life... and I think no matter how much it costs it will be worth it... I don't want to be fugly =////