Being Evil Doesn't Pay

So I was inspired by this evil queen who seemed so cool with all the power in the world and the ability to kill anyone without any restraint. But I quickly come to realise that being evil feels bad. I played this realistic rpg game and decided to make evil decisions at every turn and in the end my entire group abandoned me and betrayed me. The person I love in the game was terribly upset with the evil decisions I made and resented me. Though it was a game... It felt so real. At least the feelings were real inside me. I really felt very sad and disappointed in myself. So I've decided that for as long as we live we should never be evil. Even if it means having awesome authority or powers or whatever the case. Maybe we need to reconsider every move we make, becuz the ends might not justify the means as which to reach it.

NS is coming in just a mere 2 days and I am ever so anxious. I have desires and visions of glory and pride. But ever so embarrassed to admit it because everybody would probably laugh at me for having dreams. So I shall tell myself to move on no matter how hard things get. That when the going gets tough I wanna not be tougher but just strong enough to stay alive at all cost. I want to shape an iron will and face fear in the eye. Learn the art of socialising with other people and get a chance to try to prove something. If to make a point you have to go and spend 2 years then so be it. Seriously I'm tired of some ppl and their words of hurt which probably they are unaware that they dish out. But it's okay... becuz they probably dun mean it or thought it affects me but nvm. One day... I'm going to grow up and make the big bucks I dream about and live the dream I have. I always want to be white... the colour that is not influenced by others no matter what. But yet still makes ppl want to put color on it...

Mother of Pearl

Day 2 of utter discomfort... arghh... It's bloated tummy today. Whoopeee... I wonder what illness would be coming tomorrow. I can't wait! NOT!!! zzzzz It's sheer torture to wake up every single day feeling absolutely like dying. Can't sleep well nowadays as I count the remaining days that I have before I go to my seaside-view resort where all the bugs are mutated and the sun is hotter than summer Hawaii. =.=

Really... I have nothing against NS at all. Neither do I hate it nor want to bail on it. It's just that, as the days grow ever so near I can't help having my intestines all knoted up and my hyperactive imagination surely does not help to alleviate the symptoms. I wonder if I am emotionally, physically and mentally fit to enter into this phase called NS T.T I'm constantly surrounded by female friends... so NS probably would be an extreme change of scenery. Think a polar bear in the middle of the Kalahari desert and that would give you a rough idea. =/=

Ok... but let's try to solve one challenge at a time. I want to solve the physcial challenge first and that starts off with the bio-clock. I really need to rid myself of insomnia and sleep early. Get used to the daily wake up early and go to bed early routine, and not this late-night owl rountine which I've been currently adopting. I need to beef up my immune system so that I dun keep getting sick everyday like I am now... hai...

I wish it wouldn't have came so soon... becuz I thought i was ready... But I'm still scared afterall... =X

Sick and Sick Again...

Just recovered from a high fever and I find myself waking up to a new ailment today. I wonder what is with my weak constitution nowadays. Today I woke up feeling dizzy somehow. When I close my eyes I literally feel the world spinning around me and it made me incredibly nauseaus as I felt that I was getting sea sick on land. To make matters worst, on my own bed.

I had my breakfast of a chicken burger bought yesterday. I thought it tasted a little sour but just dismissed it. But never did I know it would be a costly price to pay. About an hour after that breakfast I started feeling more nauseaus than ever. I started taking trips to the bathroom to puke for I felt terrible. I tried sleeping but then when I close my eyes the world would spin and I felt all the more like vomitting. I felt extremely uncomfortable and the worst was as much as I had this feeling of disgust I was also feeling hungry. But whatever I ate I puked... So no point eating. I just felt immensely horried =/////

I wonder what is with my body these days. I get sick so easily. And my ailments neverending. After recovering from an illness I find myself in a new one. It's as if I'm going to go through all the sickness in one big rollercoaster ride. A flu, a cold, a cough, nauseau and now food poisoning. I dare not think what is to come next for me... I really feel so sick... =X

Counting The Days to Come

It's a long time since I last posted anything. Would consider this a dead blog if not updating now. Times are moving rather quickly now. No... perhaps time had always moved as it does now. But when big things are impending it always gives people this delusion. It's almost time to fulfill my patriotic duty. Which somehow starts to give me knots in the belly. I was thinking maybe NS isn't going to be as great as I expected.

I mean sure, they have seaside views and three meals catered for. There would also be constant lookout to ensure you are safe and in order... etc etc But let's face facts that these are no accomodations for a first class beach resort. No! They are rather the shackles of my freedom at least for the next two years, and my trip away from home. Something which I wished for but is now getting nervous to have my wish come true.

The dramatics of life I suppose. A neverending lineup of 'extraordinary' events of a storybook titled the laughs and sobs of zhaomian. I'm starting to train for NS now... Quite happy I've released some shackles of my own body. And yes... I've managed to lose some of those stubborn pounds, but nevertheless that in itself is a neverending war I wage with my biochemistry.

I've been getting feelings of dread as we grow older. It's as if life such got a whole lot complicated as we get to choose our futures. Things used to be set up for us to step on. But now times have changed. Lose out on the scholarship applications and you may very well condemn your own dreams. Choose the wrong course, and hell hath no fury for the lost soul. I have to make so many decisions in so little time. Of course I understand everyone is going through the same. But I still feel like a kid, still too young to take that first step to chart my destiny.

I'm shyly admitting that I still play with toys and imagine fighting scenes with magicks and such. Things people probably moved on already. I also watch cartoons and laugh at them. I really feel like I have two faces. The face of a child when I play with my toys and talk to my plushies, and the face of a man when I interact with people in the 'adult' and social circle.

Whatever it is... This ordeal that is to come. An ordeal called NS... I count the days to come and had even dreamt of its arrival. Perhaps it's just that I've been thinking too much about it... But whatever the case, this rite of passage to become a man as the ministry of defense calls it... No matter what I feel about it... I know it will come one day... and very soon indeed. May the night still be young for I wish for a dream I had yesterday... to continue on like a mini saga of my own making... good night