Broken Shards Of The Past

I know now... that all this while I've been the person who is the root of all the problems... It was never a problem with him... But it is truely sad to know that it is me =/// Christians have 10 commandments and so do I after this incident. =X I see myself in the same state as I were during the SJ incident and it pains me to no end that I'm such a loser... I hereby recite my own 10 commandments and may my conviction guide me to sorely remember them as do they literally plunge a knife deep into my heart...

1. I am a failure as an empath
2. I am a lousy friend as much as I tried to be a good one
3. I am weird
4. Everything I do or try to do is wrong
5. He will never take me as a good friend ever again
6. I am a selfish bastard
7. I am in denial
8. Who am I to ask for this friendship
9. I don't deserve it
10. I ought to leave everyone alone because I suck

I feel very hurt honestly and very sad... But I'm in the wrong so am I to go around asking for sympathy. A murder in a murder and no one gives a damn to a murderer. I can only wallow in my own self pity and just stay away from everyone. I really didn't know... I'd have been such a horrible person... But maybe I've just been in denial =///