Magnified

I was thinking to myself the other day... That perhaps things had never changed as I thought they had; What changed was my focus. A shiny precious gem is beautiful, yet, when we place a magnifying glass and start searching around for flaws we are almost bound to see the cracks and the scratches. I do wonder in knowing this what my next course of action shall be.

I only know for now... I strive to search for balance between the two extremes. I am terribly confused and lost =/ But I don't really dare to talk to people about it. Everybody has their own problems and nobody shows them. I admire people who can still put on such a strong and happy face when deep inside they're dying. I can't... =X

I'm terribly self-conscious and I yearn for a chance to change myself 360degrees starting from the outside.

It's not that I don't care... It is because I care but also know my caring will only cause more trouble, and the last thing I ever want is to lose a friend I consider dear... Someone asked me one night when I was walking up the staircase of Alpha wing: Are you sad that... ...? But I told him: A bit la... It has always been like that... When deep down I wished; and perhaps that is my own fault because I had hope to begin with. Time to do some sense making, internalizing and contexualizing of some of my buddy's wise words...

As the exclamation was followed by a thud (I remember distinctly). And then the car scudded past just like that... My heart shriveled.