Being Evil Doesn't Pay

So I was inspired by this evil queen who seemed so cool with all the power in the world and the ability to kill anyone without any restraint. But I quickly come to realise that being evil feels bad. I played this realistic rpg game and decided to make evil decisions at every turn and in the end my entire group abandoned me and betrayed me. The person I love in the game was terribly upset with the evil decisions I made and resented me. Though it was a game... It felt so real. At least the feelings were real inside me. I really felt very sad and disappointed in myself. So I've decided that for as long as we live we should never be evil. Even if it means having awesome authority or powers or whatever the case. Maybe we need to reconsider every move we make, becuz the ends might not justify the means as which to reach it.

NS is coming in just a mere 2 days and I am ever so anxious. I have desires and visions of glory and pride. But ever so embarrassed to admit it because everybody would probably laugh at me for having dreams. So I shall tell myself to move on no matter how hard things get. That when the going gets tough I wanna not be tougher but just strong enough to stay alive at all cost. I want to shape an iron will and face fear in the eye. Learn the art of socialising with other people and get a chance to try to prove something. If to make a point you have to go and spend 2 years then so be it. Seriously I'm tired of some ppl and their words of hurt which probably they are unaware that they dish out. But it's okay... becuz they probably dun mean it or thought it affects me but nvm. One day... I'm going to grow up and make the big bucks I dream about and live the dream I have. I always want to be white... the colour that is not influenced by others no matter what. But yet still makes ppl want to put color on it...

Mother of Pearl

Day 2 of utter discomfort... arghh... It's bloated tummy today. Whoopeee... I wonder what illness would be coming tomorrow. I can't wait! NOT!!! zzzzz It's sheer torture to wake up every single day feeling absolutely like dying. Can't sleep well nowadays as I count the remaining days that I have before I go to my seaside-view resort where all the bugs are mutated and the sun is hotter than summer Hawaii. =.=

Really... I have nothing against NS at all. Neither do I hate it nor want to bail on it. It's just that, as the days grow ever so near I can't help having my intestines all knoted up and my hyperactive imagination surely does not help to alleviate the symptoms. I wonder if I am emotionally, physically and mentally fit to enter into this phase called NS T.T I'm constantly surrounded by female friends... so NS probably would be an extreme change of scenery. Think a polar bear in the middle of the Kalahari desert and that would give you a rough idea. =/=

Ok... but let's try to solve one challenge at a time. I want to solve the physcial challenge first and that starts off with the bio-clock. I really need to rid myself of insomnia and sleep early. Get used to the daily wake up early and go to bed early routine, and not this late-night owl rountine which I've been currently adopting. I need to beef up my immune system so that I dun keep getting sick everyday like I am now... hai...

I wish it wouldn't have came so soon... becuz I thought i was ready... But I'm still scared afterall... =X

Sick and Sick Again...

Just recovered from a high fever and I find myself waking up to a new ailment today. I wonder what is with my weak constitution nowadays. Today I woke up feeling dizzy somehow. When I close my eyes I literally feel the world spinning around me and it made me incredibly nauseaus as I felt that I was getting sea sick on land. To make matters worst, on my own bed.

I had my breakfast of a chicken burger bought yesterday. I thought it tasted a little sour but just dismissed it. But never did I know it would be a costly price to pay. About an hour after that breakfast I started feeling more nauseaus than ever. I started taking trips to the bathroom to puke for I felt terrible. I tried sleeping but then when I close my eyes the world would spin and I felt all the more like vomitting. I felt extremely uncomfortable and the worst was as much as I had this feeling of disgust I was also feeling hungry. But whatever I ate I puked... So no point eating. I just felt immensely horried =/////

I wonder what is with my body these days. I get sick so easily. And my ailments neverending. After recovering from an illness I find myself in a new one. It's as if I'm going to go through all the sickness in one big rollercoaster ride. A flu, a cold, a cough, nauseau and now food poisoning. I dare not think what is to come next for me... I really feel so sick... =X

Counting The Days to Come

It's a long time since I last posted anything. Would consider this a dead blog if not updating now. Times are moving rather quickly now. No... perhaps time had always moved as it does now. But when big things are impending it always gives people this delusion. It's almost time to fulfill my patriotic duty. Which somehow starts to give me knots in the belly. I was thinking maybe NS isn't going to be as great as I expected.

I mean sure, they have seaside views and three meals catered for. There would also be constant lookout to ensure you are safe and in order... etc etc But let's face facts that these are no accomodations for a first class beach resort. No! They are rather the shackles of my freedom at least for the next two years, and my trip away from home. Something which I wished for but is now getting nervous to have my wish come true.

The dramatics of life I suppose. A neverending lineup of 'extraordinary' events of a storybook titled the laughs and sobs of zhaomian. I'm starting to train for NS now... Quite happy I've released some shackles of my own body. And yes... I've managed to lose some of those stubborn pounds, but nevertheless that in itself is a neverending war I wage with my biochemistry.

I've been getting feelings of dread as we grow older. It's as if life such got a whole lot complicated as we get to choose our futures. Things used to be set up for us to step on. But now times have changed. Lose out on the scholarship applications and you may very well condemn your own dreams. Choose the wrong course, and hell hath no fury for the lost soul. I have to make so many decisions in so little time. Of course I understand everyone is going through the same. But I still feel like a kid, still too young to take that first step to chart my destiny.

I'm shyly admitting that I still play with toys and imagine fighting scenes with magicks and such. Things people probably moved on already. I also watch cartoons and laugh at them. I really feel like I have two faces. The face of a child when I play with my toys and talk to my plushies, and the face of a man when I interact with people in the 'adult' and social circle.

Whatever it is... This ordeal that is to come. An ordeal called NS... I count the days to come and had even dreamt of its arrival. Perhaps it's just that I've been thinking too much about it... But whatever the case, this rite of passage to become a man as the ministry of defense calls it... No matter what I feel about it... I know it will come one day... and very soon indeed. May the night still be young for I wish for a dream I had yesterday... to continue on like a mini saga of my own making... good night

WAR!!!

I am here to declare war on my fats. zzzzz When i look at my facebook pictures my eyes burn. LITERALLY burn up like paper in a stove. I look so fat for god's sake. =.= I seriously I ask myself why and why a thousand times how I ended myself up in the same plight that was inflicted upon me a few years ago. I swore to god then that this horrible disease by fire it be PURGED. yet today... I find myself in yet another familiar scenario. Feeling my own fats in my body is probably the worst thing that I can ever feel. It's as deadly as feeling a tumour on your body each and every single day. And it is just as toxic to the mind and self-esteem as with that of bullimia and depression. Oh my god horrible horrible disease to mankind. Selfish now I am... But why can't god just make our bodies excrete out the excess fats so that we may live a more happy and joyful life... arghhh.... the rigours of living and the pain of reality.

How now brown cow???? I am dead jealous of the obscenely thin and people with blackholes for stomachs. Feel like taking a knife and cutting out all the adipose so that I may free myself from my prison-like body. Sometimes even feel like drinking dettol so that some sort of hydrolysis reaction may hydrolyse away all my fats. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sanity is in short supply in my head when the topic of the fats comes to my head. Like a mongoose and snake. We're sworn enemies, enemies to the blood and of the soul. With what sanity I have i hate. With all in me i try to expel. It's like fighting a demon that takes over you every single day.

The horror. THE HORROR. The curse is back. and there is only one way to eliminate this awful curse. To have a fairytale ever after and to rid my world of all that is purely evil. Where thou art thou the miracle to my problems and the god to my rescue in the darkest of hours. The deadly impacts of obesity on the mind. It pains me to no end to see myself as well as the other accursed ones afflicted by this terrible curse. I used to be such a quiet and shy kid. But when i finally said bye bye to the fast one day i opened up like a butterfly from a chrysalis. And today I find myself caccooned up slowly again by that nuiance of a substance. The bane of this world. The terrorist to my social life.

Oh no... Now how now brown cow? Tell me how? I wanna declare war again. And this time NVR EVER NVR EVER am I going to fall into the honey trap of this evil spirit again. Never ever do i want to put myself through weightloss programmes becuz they are a living hell to speak off. These are the true evils of the world today. More serious than the terrorists, more serious than the many deadly viruses. Maybe less than the apocalypse. But still a BIG problem. ARGHHH I HATE U!!! NEVER HATED SOMETHING SO MUCH!!! Becuz u are a wrecker of human lives. My LIFE namely!!!!

Minutes to the DAY

It's a long long time since I posted something in this dying place. Been super busy with teaching which I find is so stressful that I may just end up getting depression if I stay on in this career track. Hence probably I'm going to take teaching out even though my mentors say I am very good at the job.

SO SO SO TOMORROW IS THE BIG BIG DAY =X Been vomitting in the morning since two days ago. Nagging on the phone and all. Seriously I'm spooked at the outcome yet curious to know. But I am fully clear about the chances of an accident. I actually have a very smart cousin from NJC who usually got A for everything. But when she got her A level results last year, she actually got all As EXCEPT a BIG UGLY D for GP. *GASP* >.<

I can literally imagine myself in the picture. One small mistake and its out of the game. The game to be the top scholar of JJC. Getting PW A alone was a miracle. I start to wonder if god would send me yet another miracle. Because all those times i bothered Ms Huang with consultations at ulu hours like 6pm makes me super guilty if I did not manage to clinch an A for GP. Sorry ah Ms Huang =/ If tmr I dun get an A for GP. I really will feel very bad and won't dare to see you ever again. =X

Alright... writing all these make me wanna vomit again. SERIOUSLY. SO I'll stop. I still have to go MI to teach in the morning!!! sian zzzzz Wah seriously going to puke liao =.=''' BYEEEEEEE

Prequel Before CNY

I just realised that it has been a long time since I posted a picture in my blog. Well CNY is just round the corner, and because of work, I dun even have time to clean my room yet. It was a super busy and dramatic week. This week was actually the first time that I was going to teach a class. Somemore my first time had to be 5 classes in a row. I came up with this wesome lesson plan that was apparently so good that it created more stress... =.= Namely because the method I employed was so creative that the whole geography department heard of its success in the first class I went to and so all wanted to sit in for my lesson to see my so called 'puppet show'. So imagine, a class of students with a teacher teaching and 5 other teachers sitting behind to watch zzzzzz.

But really I think I outdone myself LOLOLOL. I thought my way of teaching the flexible production system was awesome. haha. So my supervising mentor's comments were that I was very serious and diligent. The students could see that I was sincere because i memorised all their names even before they even met me. (I actually asked the teachers to give me the class list to memorise ahah) The puppetshow idea was also really brilliant and good. So in short they said I was a good teacher ^^V. Even for chemistry practical. I was taking the chemistry practical lesson that day as well... The teacher said I was actually not bad at all =D Well even though probably I could do teaching, the thing was I am damn tired =/ I mean I have to teach the EXACT same lecture for all my geography classes. Same thing over and over. I so sian by the second lesson already =.= GOSH. and next week, I have to do the same lesson for 2 other classes. =.='''''''''''''''''''''''

Oh OH and I actually brought into class this tibetian bell to control the students when they were too noisy and it worked like a charm. AWESOME. One student actually said...' Cher... u SO COOL' XD LOLOLOL Well enough about the teaching thing. So basically my week went by like that because all the lessons were killing me like SERIOUSLY =.= Thank all our teachers REALLY, becuz being a teacher is SO SO HARD. And I am not even handling any CCA or marking. That would have made my life utter hell zzzzz.

So went shopping for new year clothes on my own today. Got all these cool clothes and I was quite shock how I could spend $500 in an hour to buy my new year clothes. But oh well... the $$$ is given by my parents for new year shopping anyways hahaha. So might as well spend all. I bought so much branded goods la my god. lol One polo tee i buy for $70+. But it was really nice hee

To end things all up for today... I just wanna say that... I guess the time is about to be here again... I'll definitely say something, becuz i hardly get a chance. But I will always know that it will nvr happen... =/ But I just want u to know that... I'm really not kidding or saying things lightly when I do... I was being... genuine about it... =X I'm not that great after all... it's true =/ In fact that sentence thrown at me last time is still left etched in me... That I recall it ever so often that it reminds me that I am nvr that perfect in anything... Nvr truely deserving things unless it is earned through work and time... actually... I really have nothing to counter =X It is as it is said... not that great... ... =/