A Lot That Fulfilled Its Prophecy

Do you believe in lots? Believe in prophecies or even a higher power up there somewhere that already knows the route chart out for you? A lot has gone by... Flashes of memories in my head now like a film in black and white; without sound. I prayed to god when I most desperately needed a miracle, a refuge for my restless soul... It came to me in a message which I now see fit where it belongs.

I didn't achieve what I desired to achieve from the beginning, but I tell myself I should not be too greedy. Be satisfied with what I have and not to be unhappy with what I don't. It's always easy to say that to look back is to regret and to look forward should be the present. But frankly, how many of us really do that? Today is a very special day because I finally attained my IPPT silver. On the last round of my 2.4km run I thought I would die... My heart wanted to give way, yet I told myself at that waning moment... ... Even if I were to die, I MUST make it to the finishing line. Because this is no longer... about... ME.... It is no longer about pushing myself; no longer about pride; no longer about family; no longer about friends. It is because it involves a lot of people, fighting so damn hard to believe in me more than I ever did believed in myself... =X

I feel comforted by all those lights in the dark. I contemplate as to whether those are more of stress or should they be the encouragement that will make me all the more determined to succeed. I can only say... The deed is finally done. I accomplished something which I have worked for 5 months and have kept everyone waiting with me. I think I achieved this not only for myself but to everyone who believed in me and supported me. I cried on the phone when I told my mum of the good news in the morning. She had been so worried and everytime when I take my IPPT she will never forget to send me an SMS to wish me all the best even though her english is poor and I think she probably asked my sister how to translate to english from mandarin. =X

A boulder has lifted. I feel different. In some ways I no longer feel as much like the liability of the course and such. It's been a long way down this path... I still have lingering thoughts... I wonder why I still feel affected by him... And yet I dunno what word is the right one to use when I see him and I get that mysterious feeling. The only thing I know is that it's not a pleasant feeling. And one more thing... I feel... ... always had... been lonely =/// And I feel sad about it sometimes...