Making Reality Out Of A Movie

I have been wandering about aimlessly for awhile now...

Have you ever felt like everything you believed in is challenged? Suddenly all your philosophies don't work anymore? I have been trying so hard to find answers since 3 years ago. I have questioned time and again why things happen and who am I? Because I don't know what happened somewhere in time that has caused me to change so much.

I sought the source of all my negative energy and looked forward in hopes of seeing a direction to heed. Only to realize all this time I've grown up. Because I won't forget what a respected teacher of mine once told me before in J1: Zhao Mian I am worried about you because you have yet to seen the world...

I never understood what she meant but now I do. She's right because since I was born till I had my terrible encounter in JC my road had been straight and easy. I've never been betrayed before in my life and I always got what I wanted. I cried over 99/100 because I always wished for perfection. All the things I believed in stayed true to me in the past, but that was only because I was too naive and was still a child. I forgot a very important thing: People change...

I can't find happiness anymore because so far I have only started to see things. Things which others have seen when they were still kids. Things people have long accepted. But I have not... ... Is it too late? Will it be too late? =X

And then a friend of mine told me... Whatever I said sounded like it came out of a movie. That perhaps everything I am doing is really just like a movie of a guy who lost his way and had a touching conclusion about what life really means... Am I thinking too much? Too dramatic perhaps? Do I need professional help?

I understand what you said... And I find myself at a loss... All these years trying to be as selfless as I could. Yet in the end I am still a selfish human. I wished people would care for me as much as I would always go the extra mile to help people before I help myself... It was selfish of me... because deep down I always hoped people would appreciate me one day and take me as a good friend too... ... Because... I was just lonely... ... and hated to be alone =X