Muted

I wish so hard so hard... I wanna find someone so hard so very hard... I wanna find someone whom I can talk to... Who will understand me and listen to my heart... So many things I wanna say... yet so little words I can find... and even more pathetic... no one seems to be able to understand me and tell me... what I should do now... ...

I feel so sad everyday. Wish there was someone there to talk to. So 'happy' in school. But I am starting to feel tired... I feel lonely... Cry in the middle of the night, when the moon is up and everyone is sleeping away. Wish everything will just go away... wish so bad... T.T

But in my heart so empty a feeling, I feel like I am no more than a dead person. Who can listen to me yea? Tell me... I feel so damn lonely at the end of the day when I am all alone at home and feel so sad... I wish there was someone I can talk to... But really... tell me who can understand me? =( I'm a freak... something wrong in the head... I know... But I am human too yea? I wish... my friend will accept me for who I am T.T I wanna change, I really want to. But won't you give me encouragement along the way? I really feel so lonely...

Seeing everyone around me smile... I feel happy... Hearing my friends tell me that I have become more cheerful I feel really glad... How can I let them down? T.T But it's so damn painful... I am a mute =X... Wish I could tell someone how much pain I am feeling... But I can't! It is better that they dunno... People may say... I am not lonely, it's just that I make myself lonely... Maybe? and maybe not...

No one seems to understand that pain in me... That innate hurt that radiates through every vein and flows through every muscle... Seeing the rise of someone new... I feel like crying... and maybe I did... Eyes so wet... It's been raining these past few days; rain clouds seem to be following me... But I have to tell myself I can't... It's not anyone's fault you know... I know... My mind is crystal clear and all is logical and relevant... But my heart feels like it has been stabbed all over. So lonely now... a mute in the truest of sense... I wish... I can talk to someone and make a sound... But then again... maybe not...

Dun leave me yea... please I beg u T.T I feel really lonely and sad. Before every sleep I wonder and sigh with every night I ask myself... Where are you? =(

... ... I need you T.T