I am... A demon... Cursed to be sinned... sinned to be cursed... I have done horrible things. All I ever do is cause suffering and harm. My hands are stained with the verdictions of my sins... Hell hath no fury for my condemned soul... My hollow soul drowns in my sins... =(I dun understand... why? WHY? Why do I always cause so much trouble... sometimes I wish maybe I should just disappear forever... ... So that people who know me can carry on with their lives... haizz... Why am I so worthless... All I've ever done is cause pain and sorrow, worry and despair... Why am I so irritating... I'm sorry but I really really =( didn't mean to... Life is so bleak and I am a bleach that decolourises the colors of other people's lives... I am a corruptor of souls... I corrupt people... I am bad... I am worthless... I am evil... I am hated... dejected and rejected... A freak... I hate myself... T.T
ARGGHHH... My heart hurts so bad... I know I am a sinner... But I just want everyone to know... A sinner feels sad too... And I feel horried... Looking at myself in the mirror I only see a criminal. Tainted heart and sinned beyond compare... ... I'm sorry... I really am SORRY SORRY SORRY... I know... I am always at fault. And no matter how many times the sorry u all will never forgive me inside... because I am so unforgivable... It's so gloomy recently... Wish I can see the rainbow again like I always do... ... I wish so bad... so bad... I'm sorry for the damage that I deal... I never ever I SWEAR I SWEAR wanted things to be this way...
I am a demon... ... I should disappear =(... ...
If only... rainbows still appear for me... T.T But they... dun... =(
As someone who has been wandering the Internet carrying the name Tainted Sins on various pursuits since 1994 I felt...inspired to offer a few words to someone who may very well be a kindred spirit. First, I'd ask you to consider the meaning of your namesake: Most, in my experience, see it as little more than a random thesaurus combination of wicked words. However, if tainted means rotten or corrupt, and if corruption is the modifier for "sin," which must then include the nature, and therefore the genesis of that which the word represents, which in turn ultimately leads to where most people mistake as the heart of the matter: original sin; but how can that be the answer to such powerful questions, when a wall so much taller waits just down the path:
ReplyDeletesins' origin--it's designer, and continued perpetrator. And I'm not speaking of some fallen angel who was forced to play the marked cards he was dealt, as we all do. I speak of sin's Creator, whom, it is said, is the Creator of all things. All the things this all powerful God bestows upon us, and we are meant to praise it as perfection, to praise Him as perfection. And yet I see, I ache and weep with all the grief and the horrors that surround me… And how can I look at a boy beaten and butchered by his step father with the family carving knife?-- How can I watch a young girl raped and raped and raped in an alley and still more waiting their turn?-- How can I look on all of this and not say, "It is not the sinner, but the sin that is corrupt. Not the creation but the creator who is the wicked one. From the pulpits they preach original sin, and yet He, in all His wisdom, keeps creating more: a mad scientist with his hand ever on the switch creating monster after monster. That's the truth your namesake carries. The fact that people commit sins isn't the problem, the sins are the problem in and of themselves: the fact that they exist. And everyone who has felt jealousy or lust or anger, felt that way because they were created to do so. We live in a wicked world not because we made it this way, but because we were born into it. But if my ears don't deceive me, that's the crackling of the stake a few goodly Christians have stoked to roast my old bones for speaking aloud such atrocious falsehoods and blasphemies when the time could have been better spent on the obviously true stories of men striding atop water, or, better yet, waving the water to simply move aside--or perhaps living inside a large fish, or collecting other animals if fish aren't your taste, all the other kinds of animals--two each. Consider how long it took you the last time you walked through a bloody zoo then imagine my man, a known drunkard, providing room and board for what would ultimately, by necessity, degenerate into the greatest aquatic bestiality blow-out of all time and you still might be able to convince me that most men (and women) are a lot of sweaty brutal idiots, but I said it when I typed in my net handle for the first time, and I haven't seen anything in the near twenty years since that's changed my mind: it's not mankind that's tainted, it's our ridiculously arbitrary sins, and until we admit to that and take a real hard look at ourselves, we'll continued to be damned--I mean, seriously, a couple thousand years ago, did a bunch of dudes throw a massive kegger, get drunk off their ass and just start pulling sins out of hats? Okay, I'll step down off my soapbox, anyone who is inclined can reach me at taintedx@hotmail.com and with that I'll end it with the Kaufman translation of Thus Spoke Zarathustra, "I could never believe in a God who didn't dance." - if that line touched you in anyway, I beseech you, pick up a copy. It's one of the few books that is about questions rather than answers. This isn't verbatim, but the protagonist learns early on that he doesn't want followers, he wants companions. As he is first figuring out what his journey will be, the narrator juxtaposes him with Jesus, the leader of sheep...but Zarathustra, isn't interested tending sheep. In the book it says, "Zarathustra wants to be the robber of shepherds." Cheers. TS
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