I wonder... why life is so unfair... No argument there? It is a fact that life is and always will be unfair... ... When you work super extra hard for something your heart truely desires so much.... and in the end you see what you work so hard for in the eyes of other people who dun even do much about it... Sucks... ...Some people are so blessed... One person in particular... I envy so much you know... That why can you have everything I dun have? U can have romance, a best friend, people who believe you, fitness, a family warm enough to go home to and awesome grades... But I look at myself... and feel so empty... ... Why? WHY? Where did I ever go wrong that you can have everything while I have only a pathethic grades to hang onto only... and grades and academics this sort of thing.... It's dead you know... =((( And I watch with a heart so sore... as you are so happy with each passing day... yet I wallow in sorrow and loneliness...
You have what I wished for the most... What I worked so hard for... What I love and value more than anything in the world... but why do u still complain? =( I see myself in you... and I feel ashamed of my past and u should feel utterly ashamed... I swear I will never look down on anyone ever again... and if someone ever truely have dreams that sound absurd I won't ever think of laughing... Becuase i finally truely understand the value... the value of hardwork and the amount of heart u put into wishing everyday... that the seed of hope you plant will blossom with enough effort and patience...
I feel really ashamed... as I finally understand all my life... how bad I must have made people felt... Whenever I get good grades but still complain about them... I see myself within your pain and I felt what death is like... to the bystanders... Perhaps you will never feel anything but just say 'too bad'... But when you are the one who puts in all your heart believing you can make something out of yourself and fail... It really feels like your life is of misfortune because other people like me... still get all the good grades despite only studying so lightly...
Dun laugh or mock people in your heart... Because people need you to believe in them... no matter how nonsensical... let's believe in them... because... I can tell u... how sad it is when the whole world... don't believe a word you say... and see you as a madman who is over emotional... ... Believe in someone that will add value to their lives... even if maybe my life is so worthless now... If I can make people believe in themselves when they never dared did...
Stepping stones to success... are inevitable... as survival of the fittest dictates... the winner steps ontop of the losers... where there will be a first there will be a last... But I learnt a painful lesson to never ever complain... Because... empathise yea... how other people feel... must have sucked... and I suck more... I'm so shallow... whenever I used to miss a mark to a perfect score I would almost cry... Goodbye... that part of my life... I just wanna be a common folk...
I dun want anything anymore... ... I just want my brother back... =((( Nothing matters that much anymore... Because... all my life... I never felt warmth of a family within my own home... even in school I jumped... from clique to clique... I never felt a sense of belonging or truely important... And somehow... bro... u made me feel what i never had... outside my home for the first time...
I remember... When I first felt that feeling of best friends... I went around telling all my friends so excited like a little boy... 'HEY HEY I FINALLY HAVE A BEST FRIEND!!! XD And he always will forever be... =)' Hurts my soul to remember... And now... my bro disowns me... I ask myself... what else am i worth? when my bro, my family... gave up on me... who else is there? Because I genuinely feel something inside disappeared... and I can't live on...
It feels as though u are the only thing holding me on to this life now... and with the breakage of this point... I see no meaning in living anymore... ... =( I'm truely pathetic... ...
I just wish... I can do something for u... so that u will see me as a friend like before... wish I could die for u... if that will make u feel... =(
No comments:
Post a Comment