Paranoia?

This morning I woke up expecting again... It came in a way quite expected though I never really thought how I would react to it. During that night of silence from it all I really took the effort to think through about everything that had happened or might have happened and would have happened. And somehow I tell myself... perhaps things are changing now for a reason. I question if I am paranoid... perhaps I focus too much on the subtle details that I have led myself to this state where every single thing seems like a change to me. But I dun think so... I really thought through and I dun think so... I think things are indeed changing... for the better or for the worst I am not sure =X But whenever I feel that change I get worried and I hold on even more tighter. Yet at the same time ironically... the tighter I hold the more I fear that he will find it all to pressurizing... I feel like going up to him and telling him what I feel. But I know that will scare him off far far away... So I have no choice but to keep it to myself... =///