Homing Beacon

How am I feeling nowadays? Feel like I've been washed out at sea... ... Busy and tired; lost and hurt. I know now that I am going to let go of things because I desire to be a better person and a better friend, so I am going to make a wish come true. It pains me to no end inside... But sometimes when you think about it... There is really no point in trying so hard when the result would only bring great unhappiness...

If only shooting stars existed so that I may make a wish of my own. I could pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars. But that's ignorance... So I swayed and turned with the waves of the open ocean... Drifting afloat and letting the current bring me through to the next location...

I realized that as I grew up that this world is harder and harder to live. I've always known that life was not a bed of roses, but who knows how hard it is to go through it. I see myself 10 years ago and can't help feeling how much things have changed. But more importantly the fact that things had always been this way. It's also not the cliche saying that I changed... It is just that I am finally seeing this world with my own two eyes and feeling things with my own heart for once.

I've left the shelter and embrace of my friends... From now on wards... people will strive to carry their lives to the next chapter and I am just a passenger on their bus rides to success. We all needed each other and depended on each other when we were learning and growing up. But now that we have grown up everyone is spreading their wings and thinking of themselves for once- because there is only this one shot at life!

People don't care about feelings in the working world. All they care about is productivity and whether you will be a liability. Yet I resist this with the core of my soul and the essence of my will. Should i conform to this reality? Have I not seen enough with my own two eyes to know by now that my philosophy is a mere idealistic perception. Because I care about how everybody feels... It's either I haven't matured and is still reluctant to fly or I have chosen to try to do things my own way and make a name for myself...

I'm fed up with all this nonsense that life throws at me. I know everyone is going through the same thing but I can't conform because I don't feel right. I want to be somebody! I don't want to be a weakling who always just listens to people and follow orders. I want to do things my way where the basis of everything is the trust and the happiness of everyone... Honesty I hate getting hurt so many times because the feelings are real even though people around me diminish them...

I am alone at work because I've chosen to build a barrier around myself. I cannot depend on anybody to help me out when I am in trouble. I was thrown into the lion's den and forced to keep myself alive; I was thrown into the huge and vast ocean where I struggle to stay afloat day in and day out. Being sentimental and emotional is not a weakness... It is being truthful to how i feel and I can NEVER betray my own feelings...

I wish... I were a firefly... With a tail glow so alluring... To guide people to a new perspective... I want to do things differently where I can apply them... But for now I emit my faint glowing shimmer of hope for a better world... wishing to find a beacon to home to in this darkness... Because I hunger for purpose and I am trying and thinking really deeply... What exactly is my meaning in life? =///