Red As Saga Seeds & A Heartfelt Gratitude

All the time, I wonder does explaining really do anything? Just accept things for what they are. If I did something wrong then there's nothing I say that will change what is past tense. So... then when people label you or when you become a disappointment what words will salvage a fact? Such a waste attempt to make yourself feel better by justifying for your failures... Ultimately it's just pretty sad that nothing can change things have gone.

And I don't know... Whether what I am saying now is relating to which matter because they suddenly seem linked...

Whatever I say. Be it I tried my best or thought I could have done thing some other way, people won't know. I know... But so what if I know? =X I felt like screaming a reason why I was such a letdown today but I held it in, because at that one point in time when I was about to vocalize my inner feelings I come to realize... I made a choice before so now I answer... And that was why I ate humble pie and swallowed my pride... Said in a sorry tone because I felt deeply apologetic... 'I'm sorry but I really don't know and I don't want to bluff you...'

I picked saga seeds on sudong today because my mum wanted them to give to her friend. As I was picking those tiny red seeds scattered all over the floor I asked myself why I wanted to do so much. My hands and legs were covered with mosquito bites and my sweat kept dripping as I gathered the seeds. I could have just told my mum I was busy at work, but I opt to tell her alright...

The truth was I heard why she needed them and as much as I took a long time and hard work to gather them in the jungle, somehow I just felt like completing the job. Because I remembered a time... when I wanted to do something like that for the value of friendship... I feel no need to explain myself now... because I've learnt that saving my breath saves me from a torture from disbelief and emotional turmoil. Only I know the truth... and maybe that's enough. A gift of red saga seeds to my mum for her friend... at the same time... I presented a gift of gratitude for a spirit I once had for a very important gift as well... ...