The Love Of Conjugation

We all learnt at a pretty young age that we needed some attention and loving. We sought attention from those who gave life to us. We wailed and made a mess-- pooped and puked everything else, because that was the only way we knew how; that's what babies do. And then time flew by and very soon we started to take our very first steps on our own into the big bad world out there. Remember those times when our dads would guide and encourage us at every step that we took and our mums would be nearby praising and filming all the memories down. The World was a dangerous place, but we felt safe for our parents were there to protect us all the way. We held hands and the cars on the roads suddenly seem not so menacing anymore.

All those memories in our minds and etched in our hearts: They resound like the sonorous chimes of a distant church bell. 

They showed us love where appearances meant nothing. For they loved us before they even saw our faces. What more would they have rejoiced when we emerged from the womb? They showed us how to love when we had none and then we learnt to give it to others. To those that we call blood and then to those we enjoyed hanging out. But again we held hands as we walk and take that long road to the first day of school. The school bag you carried while I was to walk without any burden.

It felt as if whatever happens you would be there for me. Whatever I do you would not judge me. Even if you scolded you were hurt in the heart for every hurt on my skin it hurt and numbed your own senses. I said I would run away from home and you even helped me packed. I remembered. But after I ran away from home and decided to live at the staircase outside home and it was raining. You came out and told me to go back. I said alright but I will surely leave when the rain has stopped. But funny... I never did run away after that.

Distance made the heart grow fonder. Fonder in a sense that is, fond toward freedom. What is freedom really? We rebelled and started to keep things to ourselves. When you tried to hold my hand, I shrug it away out of embarrassment. I am a big kid now and I no longer needed your protection. I appreciated all that you did but then I grew up. Why do you fuss and why do you whine so much about all those tiny things when I was capable of handling them on my own.

Face it: we all loved our fathers and mothers in our hearts. But when your mum asks: do you love me? Which guy wouldn't freak out like I just saw Britney Spears with her shiny shaved head!!! It was love alright. Just love that is not easy to express. But I hope you would know and feel it as much as I feel yours. Even though I do not need your help anymore, it doesn't mean the love has stopped.

Empathy was the word. It was the empathy for that moment that brought tears to the eyes. But even though you taught me how to hold hands and learn to feel protected and safe, it is now time for me to teach you... how to let go and be protected instead =X I understand and I know the feeling when people don't need you anymore. The best way people showed they loved and cared was to help the ones they care about the most. But let us not forget the bond that is not measured by time and action, cash or attention. Let us focus on that... for surely as I live I know one day when I have children I will face the same heartache you did.

But the love of conjugation was not the fact that we were physically close once. It was the love from within that led to how we touched each others' lives. God's love that he gave me a good family even though I complained much... So let us pray... for our fathers and mothers... siblings and all. That family ties transcend all needs for greater love than what the LORD has already given us. And though I will never say it to you... I say it here... I really do love my family even though I always pretended not to...