Sometimes when the noise gets too loud we yearn for a place of solace so that we may once again be able to hear ourselves or hear the voices of those that we want to hear. Don't really feel like seeing people or interacting with people nowadays... Just want to tour the streets and visit places all by myself and calm my injured heart. Most of my days now are spent playing computer games to pass the time and then sleeping... yea I sleep a lot - developed this weird headache every morning when I wake up that will only going away some time in the late afternoon...
I used to be very afraid of eating alone outside. I feared being judged and being laughed at for being an emo-ish loner. I start to embrace that already though... I enjoy the quiet breakfast, lunch and dinner that I have outside by myself. Just sitting at the food court and slowly eating and thinking about stuffs that are in my head. People from other countries probably find Singapore a tiny place but I on the other hand have only started exploring it. Never really left my house much - Felt so small in this over-populated city. Hardly feel that anyone made much of a difference...
Afternoon showers are so common now... It sets the mood I guess... The cold and humid air and the soft thunder in the background. Makes for a setting of a depressing scene in a movie. I had that scene today while listening to some good music and staring into the grey sky as I toured the streets. I wonder if there is an answer for everything?
However, even when the noise is so loud now... Even though my voice is so soft... I could do nothing but strain my ears even harder and try to listen. Just like a Singaporean City that is constantly experiencing the brooding showers every afternoon this period so has it rained on my world this period. I'm soaked and wet... cold too... I thought to myself that I wanted to find someone to talk to but realized that there was not really much point. I sort of enjoyed the rain after awhile... Because it made me remember even fonder the happier moments in life and how much more I should treasure them.
":( Don't worry ok? Without rain we would never appreciate the warmth of sunshine. Don't feel under valued. That is just who you are and true friends/lovers will love you for who you are. Not that they want you to be. Haha it's ok. I like the rain. It puts things in perspective. Embrace sadness and melancholy. It is part of life and beautiful in its own strange way"
Someone important told me this before... I sort of understand now... and I'm soaking up the melancholy and embracing it. It always gave me hope that I need not be afraid anymore...
Because I was so so scared then... ... Thank you for that one time~
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