Distance

It's another TGIF day and I am so relieved. The days of mad rushes for the week had finally subsided and I desire nothing more than to have some time to myself: To reflect upon the week and to hear what my inner voice has to say to me. It's not going to be an easy weekend with my midterms and tests and tutorial assignments constantly bugging me like a mosquito buzzing at the ear. But of course... Unlike a big fat juicy mosquito I can never smack it left, right, center in a bloody explosion.

And as I explore my inner voice and listen to my worries of the week and anxiety of the future I feel an innate pain welling up. Just like the magma of the earth rising to the surface in plumes. How intense is the heat of it and how powerfully it courses through. I guess whenever we encounter these troubling thoughts and feelings in our minds... we try our best to discern if our concerns are truly validated. For all we know... we all have our dramatic sides after all. Some more than others.

An intriguing questions is etched onto my mind... That whether distance is always the key to the equation. As much as rocket science is a complex study... it pales in comparison to the human mind. For verily... we can find no scientific explanations for love and can definitely find no vaccine against our emotions. There is no scientific test to indicate that love truly exist. Yet we feel it; yet we embrace it; yet it drives us; yet we crave it. Now if only those aethis start to understand this logic too and believe in my god...

But I guess it all comes down to the fact that I've not yet come to terms with my own inner demons. When insanity drives us... do you have what it takes to control? Like a charioteer driving a chariot of 2 horses: A tamed steed and a wild horse. Are we able to steer them in one direction when one of them tirelessly struggle and tug at your reins to lead to the disorderly?

I fear each and every single day that my affliction will cease to stop spreading. For once it goes to my head and poisons my heart... from my experience: There can be no redemption! Is distance the answer? I really don't know. All I know is the insecurities I'm feeling now. It's not normal and I can never find anyone I can share this to =X

I'll try though... I'll try to effect this distance... less I wish to lose all that I treasure. For it has happened so many times... my heart hardens more and more with each blow dealt.