Sometimes saying nothing at all is worth much more than actually uttering a sound because somethings are just meant to be buried inside your heart; not meant to be revealed and to see the light of day. I start to understand why god gave people an ear and a mouth but never another sense organ to read into the minds and hearts of others. He had probably seen everything coming~ And it's best that we see why too...
To what extent do we give in to the silence? We stay quiet sometimes when we fight with others just because we want to keep the peace. Even though deep inside we were bleeding and crying, we gave the other a straight face. People would have thought we were feeling fine and alright, but the truth was that we were not. But silence made it such that pain is contained; it does not spread; it does not corrupt... It is confined only to myself. And that is how I would like it to be...
Sometimes I have something I really wanted to say. But I grew up learning that even your closest friends leave you because of the things you say. Everyone always wants to be the nice guy: Claim that they can accept everything about you and that no matter what happens things will never change. But you'll be surprised how the weight of that sentence can suddenly change in a blink of an eye. Months or even years of foundation decimated by something which you thoughts others might understand... How do I know about all this right? I know... ... =/
Do my parents really accept me for who I am? I remember a time when they refused to believe it. So I decided to lock myself up into a cocoon. They could never see who I really was and really am. To my parents I am one; to my friends I am one; to my associates I am one; and to strangers I am yet another. To what end should I hide behind facades to escape from reality. Till what time can I finally merge all these selves into a single entity. Who am I really? =X
Things are sometimes better just said to those who will never give up on us. These are the non-living things like my bear. It's so funny how I can have so much feelings for something that doesn't even breathe or think like humans do. But I take comfort in knowing that forever exists only in myself: For no matter how hard I wanted to run away... I could never ever run away from myself. Just as my bear's thoughts are mine and my thoughts are in my bear- we are one and the same... bear personified. In truth... I'm just a lonely soul wishing for someone like me who can understand me... who will listen without judging and make pledges to never leave each other and to be best friends~~
What a depressing day it is indeed. When I put my faith in the silence of the present and the silence of the future to prevent the silence of the past from catching up to me. It is for the best for me to keep my heart's voices kept inside- not to be shared... Perhaps... even as I age and die one day... fading into heaven or maybe falling into hell... I'll never ever find a friend I could ever say what's really on my mind: To hear the silence of the past and still sincerely from the bottom of their hearts say that the present and future need not be silent no more...
A present and future when I need not hide anymore. Need not stoop into a small and dark crevice just to want to be feel accepted. And most importantly... I don't want to feel so dependent anymore =( I don't want to feel like I'm delusional and that feelings are never mutual... I cry easily... but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt less each and every single time...
My resolve is to keep the silence that is more valuable than gold. To place a golden padlock upon my grieving heart and to bind my emotions to myself. I threw that only key to unlock the lock into a vast ocean of blue... Wish a wishful heart that someone may find it one day and unlock it. But I guess miracles don't exactly exist for me; perhaps in others it does... but never mine...
The golden key sinks to the bottom of the deep blue sea. With a slight glittering I watched it plummet into an inky depth with the sweetness of despair in my mouth like dark chocolate. Even as warm and salty tears stream down my eyes as I watch the hope sink down-probably never to be seen again-I savour the moment that I wept tears of love and joy of... ... the delicate thing of... life...
Where thou art thou? this friend of mine... ... ... ...
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