Incomplete

Ever had a feeling that you aren't making the cut because you're just not that good? That's how I'm feeling now... =/ I feel so incomplete because I can't do it~~ And no matter how hard I try I can't and I'm really ashamed of myself for letting myself go. What happened to the promise I made to myself just the day before? I asked myself everyday...

The truth is I feel really inferior staying around you guys =/ Don't always think when I smile and laugh it off as if it were a joke I really was so carefree... It stung every time~ And when nobody is talking about it I think about my own plight and I feel really disheartened...

On another issue... I just can't stop... can't stop... ... Am I pretending that it is fine too hard? So much so that it will hurt me in the process... knowing that things that can only be accomplished in months cannot be hastened to a few days~ Even so... when I talk to people and people offer me advice... Am I still so stubborn that I can't even heed them? Once again... I reached this crossroad... where I discover that there are just so many so many so many things... I wanted to say and tell... just that... ... I can't seem to find someone I could say them out to T.T

Am I lonely? A question that ebbs through my mind each night before I go to sleep~~