Like An Open Book

Why am I so stupid to have thought for sure that things will happen as I thought they would? Having had such a horrible time at work now... I live in agony knowing how horried my reputation is now =/ People are right when they say that... to pick the people that you should confide in well...

And I tried to put my feet into the shoes of these people trying to figure out why the hell they wanna stir so much trouble up =/ and even though I'm so hurt and upset... I just can't find any bit of anger in me to be angry at any of them. I only feel so dumb and foolish to have been too naive and believing~~~

And I cried... and someone told me it was useless... but even so... I couldn't control myself but type and tear and type and tear and hating myself in the process... I really so hate getting other people into trouble. I would rather everything just come to me and period.

Why am I so useless and weak? When people scold me vulgarities and such... I said sorry... Even though it wasn't my fault at all~~ When people asked me why I said things... I felt so horrible and couldn't even do anything useful except to say a 'sorry' hoping deep inside that it will solve everything-- but it can't and didn't...

To Zhao Mian... You're a pest and u hell should have known the meaning of pester by now. Stop moping around showing the world how unhappy u are =/ Dun take getting hurt as an excuse for everything...

I wanna stop those tears... cos I know someone who hated them. But I can't~~ And I have to hide... and pretend I'm asleep when my parents come by or I'll start another hoo haa... If I could re-visit a past... I wish I had more courage than a wimp I am now. That if I said I wanted to die... I wouldn't just whine but take that plunge out of the window just like that... PLEASE... make the pain stop T.T