Everybody has beautiful moments in their lives... those factions of time that we all hold dear and cherish. Even in sleep we dream about them and in movies we see fantasies. That magical moment alike the act of that one spell that gives so much happiness... We sometimes ask ourselves if we truly deserved them... Because good things never lasted... Nothing does. So whenever people get too close they leave; when good news abounds, disaster and crisis creeps up on you; memories of joy metamorphosis into memories of hurt of a happiness long lost... So in this Cinderella Story kind of fantasy, as we sit in our luxurious carriages of finely plated gold and silver... we countdown as well to the 12 sonorous gongs of the merciless hands of time... when the magic will be lost to us~~
School was terrible this week... But then again, when hasn't it been ever since it first started? Expectations were dashed and reality quickly sets in. It felt as though my wings were stripped from me and mighty chains of steel have bind me to rock bottom. Hot pursuit is so evident to me... as I slog myself to class everyday knowing that each lesson opens yet another rat race. But I guess it's not to be unexpected that the classroom will be a shark tank after all? The World outside of school is so big... it fascinates me. What lies beyond my 4 years in NUS? It's an urban jungle where the weak will perish while the strong will survive... Can faith in the milder side of things pull me through when I enter into this massive ecosystem whereby every single weakness will likely be exploited by opportunists seeking to empower themselves?
I asked myself what I wanted to gain when I first came to University. I believed everyone did... or at least I believed. I admit that I was extremely keen to enter University for I enjoyed the thrill of competition and I delight in putting the 'KO' on others. Well... at least I thought I did... But I changed my mind when that time finally came and I opened my window to Cinnamon college- my new home; my second home. And suddenly... winning didn't seem all that important anymore~
I wanted to be rich and powerful because I tasted what it was like to the opposite. Even when you wanted to help others so much... You mock at yourself for lacking the ability to even do so. Words are cheap; words are empty... A simple prayer may go a long way, but the truth is that it brings no miracle instantaneously. When people around me wanted to go home from a faraway place... I wished it upon myself that I had a car to send them back. I wish I had money so that I could help make the dreams of others come true. But I had come to terms with the fact that without capital and a certain ability... your dreams can never be driven any farther than within sight...
I changed my mind... I wanted something else in University. I no longer aimed for some CAP of 4.5 because I no longer saw the need to struggle and squirm to reach the top. Because in burying myself in books I realized that the most important things to me was not my success and it was not the satisfaction from winning others... What's most important to me? They are my best friend, good friends, friends, and basically people all around me that I care about. I rather have a good time forming bonds than struggling to reach the top by myself... I'll be lonely anyways...
But of course... that doesn't mean that I will forgo my studies... I'll still try my best... after this aligning of priority...
I always thought that I was a rain cloud... One that always rained... Where rain visits occasionally the ground is rejuvenated and new life is born. The rain is appreciated... But when the rain cloud stays too long... people hate the gloom and the chaos it comes with and so the lonely rain cloud had no choice but to move to the next place... and the next and the next... ... He didn't needed people to tell him that he needed to leave... he knew better... But is there hope of a day when the water runs out? All those tears collected over the years but not yet shed... I wish the reservoir will dry out so that all that remains is a fluffy cirrus that bring rainbow and smiles to others...
And so when the clock struck 12... The magic of the spell was lost... The beautiful carriage skids carelessly off the road and changes into the pumpkin we always knew it was... Plain... Ordinary... Unappreciated...
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