I had my usual dessert for a rainy day today again... My mum would always ask me when I leave the house suddenly, where I was headed. My reply to her was always this: I feel like eating honey sea coconut dessert...
I never could tell my family members when I was unhappy. They took me as a guy with a craving for this sweet and icy treat. Never failing to comment to me that eating too much of it will make me become fatter. I understood where they were coming from. But it was a habit that I had developed over the years. The solution to a hard day/ week would always end up with this dessert put right in front of me as I indulge myself in this sinful pleasure to forget about the painful thoughts that resound in my head like a church bell.
I remembered today how everything first happened. It was really interesting to me how certain subtle things happen in your life which leads to unexpected results. A simple gesture may lead to a doorway into someone else's world. I wished that the world could understand my own language but the current state suggests that I'm speaking more of some alien native language.
Do we feel lonely sometimes? I was telling this friend that if someone told me that they loved to be alone... I would never have took them for real. To me it just means that the person has built a super tall wall around himself/herself due to something that happened in the past... and it just means that I need to take more effort to demolish this wall to see the real person inside. For truly I ask this: How can anyone ever wish that they be alone with nobody to care about them? To me then life would have lost meaning... Therefore, I say... I am afraid to be alone... that's true... But I've also built a strong wall around myself for the pain of exposure demanded me to shield myself from the outside world due to my sensitivity.
Memories they haunt me sometimes. Be it good ones or bad ones they haunt me. Is there value to remember when the cruel hands of time will move on nonetheless?
I remembered a time when the encounter was subtle and the intent was that I didn't want to see people being lonely. I especially hated to see people eating alone... and that is why when able I'll always accompany someone if they are eating alone even if I had already eaten. Things changed though and then magic happened...
I am a grieving soul that weeps over the death of something which my heart held true when in reality it is no longer. My heart strings tug at me when beautiful memories grace me and then painful memories makes those images even clearer.
I hope for god to be forgiving... I hope for miracles that will erase the present and usher in the past. Naive dreams I have indeed: Foolish and childish but always so pure. Let's have a friendship that lasts forever k... so long that even after everybody gets married.. our families will still like go out together and stuff... that be the best friend of my dreams... but it shall be... always in front of me... always for me to be seeing; at one time holding; but always fleeting...
It was and never is... mine... =(
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