Hold on tight and don't let go... Run and gather the lift and then let it go... Ensure there is sufficient tout in the thread and then pull to increase lift when there is up-wind. Slowly but carefully release the string more and more each time~ Rhythmic and hypnotic like your soft breathing during sleep... Push and pull like the moon does the tides~ See the nice height yet? I'm sure you're feeling the powerful tug on your hands but don't let go okay? Because you'll never know then where the wind will carry away the kite... You'll only be able to watch: As it fades into the infinite blue skies above like an elusive star disappearing at the break of dawn... going higher and higher... until you can see no longer~
I don't want to suppress myself any longer... This week had been a terrible week because I had to suppress all my feelings and I pretended things were okay when inside I knew they were not. I told myself that I can be strong and not let anything outside get in and change my world. But I had to watch... I had to watch my own acting each and everyday... How tiring is it to have to look into a mirror and ask yourself what you are doing only to see an image of another that looks like you but is not you...
I keep feeling that I was a liability to everyone around me. I really wish I was smarter just so that I could help the people around me with their studies like I used to. I really wish I was richer such that I could have a car or something and then share them with the people around me. I have so many things but I wished it upon myself a misery of not having those that people all do not have that I may just be able to provide for. That way I'll feel useful... That way I'll feel less useless... That way I'll be able to help...
I hated myself so much... But nobody hated me =(
But why is it that I keep feeling that I've done a great wrong? Why is it that I keep finding a need to punish myself just so that I could feel better about it... feel less guilty for being myself... It's like there's a funeral and even when the brightest of sunshine greets me I tell myself not to smile just because it wouldn't have felt right...
Don't leave~~ as much as I wish so much that the people around me will hate me for a change... I wish that people won't give up on me too =X To all my friends out there... please don't leave anymore...
I don't want to live in pretense anymore... I don't want to act in my own directed drama no longer... Right now I say it... I'm really sad about everything =/ I'm not okay~~ But still live goes on and I'll continue living just because there are more things to life out there. Time will heal? Erode away the wrinkles that blemish this course of history...
And I decided to release the kite that so strongly tugs away from my hand... I cried... I cried so much I had not enough tears but to continue another day... May it be one day... when the kite will come back~ But no longer... forever won't be... held anymore... by a string~
Always hoping... ... until the day comes when time so cruelly erodes away even that last remnant that I promised myself I'll always pray for...
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