It was a rainy day today- a gloomy day. But I headed to town wishing to find some solace and to have a peace of mind to think about things. I popped in my ear pieces and listened to a few of my favorite songs on my i-touch as I walked around the streets and browsed the shops. I was looking for a good book that someone recommended me and the idea of thinking of the troubles of this life while sipping on some high class coffee in the middle of town on a rainy afternoon seemed almost magical. I met a friend, however, and we sat down and had a talk about many things~~
I wonder sometimes if it is only me who face the problem of being selfish. Because I get so depressed and emotional about so many things in my life when the truth was that if I was just willing to take a step backward and see the big picture, then my matters were truly trivial. I made a mountain out of a mole hill and simple things became abstract because my dramatic mind demanded it be such. Who do I blame really? Because a very aggressive friend of mine told me this: If you think there is a problem, then change it!
It dawned on me though that for many things in my life, I had always knew that I had problems. But you know... holding onto a hot piece of metal is painful at first. But hold on longer and the pain disappears when your skin dies off. Isn't that what's happening right now? I know that there are problems here and there with myself. But all I did was whine about them and sought the whole world to empathize with me. I am a horrible person because I was selfish to think that my trivial problems were important when right now out there in this World people are struggling to stay alive- Famine in Africa and poverty... etc
So what is happiness? Is it relative? This is something I always asked myself. Does it mean that I ought to be happy just because someone else is leading a far worse life than I am now? Somehow I feel that that isn't the case really... If I defined what was happiness to me would it be the same with you as well? I doubt so~
And yet we all trudge/leap/run/crawl forward whether is it in bruises or with joy/pain/reluctance in pursuit of what we all envisaged to be the rainbow we'll see after the heavy rain. But when happiness becomes different then how then can the World be truly happy? Does it mean that some people have to unhappy just so that others can be happy too? There is a price to pay for everything and in everything we do we either have to pay it ourselves or have someone pay it for us. Such is the law of everything... Equivalency.
What is happiness to me? Is it to attain my definition of happiness in this life? Or is it to sacrifice my own just so that the people I care about are able to achieve their happiness? But I'm so afraid... =( I admit it... I'm very afraid of seeing my own happiness slip through my own two hands. I'm not so noble but in my heart I genuinely wish nothing but the best for the other.
Whatever happens... take heart... that the truth will hurt intensely so... but have hope that it will free you too~ Can I have that courage too?
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