The Lost Key

I wonder why is it that certain things are just too complicated for my brain to comprehend. Especially this entire journey to discover to discover more about myself... Somethings I do I amaze myself; somethings I do  I'm actually proud of myself because it shows my strength of character and gives hope that I'm not such a weak dependent individual after all; somethings I do I feel ashamed of myself and wished there was a hole in which I could jump into and hide...

Things used to be so simple when they were all black and white. But then things were always not so simple because of the different hues of black and hence the creation of grays. Don't get me wrong... gray is a lovely color... Just that it makes choices that much more difficult to make and it makes you ponder over your actions and the consequences should there be possibly any. I suppose the hardest part of life is about telling the colors apart.

I thought about things during the weekend for very long and I find it such a challenge to tell fantasy from reality. The dreams that I have and the desires that I harbor: I can never truly tell if such things were overly idealistic or perhaps that it could possibly come true one day. But I had to watch at my dreams crash and burn, having to go through the trauma afterward~ Do I lack the resolve? Do I lack the footwork to move to the rhythm of life?

I don't think I'm depressed any more... deeply confused perhaps... I wish I had all the answers but sadly I don't. The only thing harder than to do well for an exam is to do well for yourself.  That is wise in itself... I really don't know what's going to happen next, but I suppose thinking about it ain't going to answer it either. The only thing I can do is to keep moving forward and survive the toils that are thrown at me each and every day. I wrote in previous posts since last year...

An Ice-Make Rose Garden;

Being Loveless In Love City;

The Magical Carriage That Turns Into A Pumpkin When The Clock Strikes 12;

A Wrinkle On A Pool of Calm;

And Finally... A Lost Key of Hope That Answers All~~

A penny for your thoughts? What am I trying to find? What is it that I am tirelessly looking for? Things are vague and woozy~~ It's as if my brain itself seems to be blocking certain memories from me so that I can't answer that question... Where is this lost key? 

But I don't think I should burden this on people anymore... People have their own lives to live. They don't have to take the time out to care about mine too... I'll promise to not make this a habit anymore... I'll try to keep things to myself from now on~