Monday, June 1, 2009

Self Deception

It's a long time since I last blogged... this blog has been dead for many weeks... mainly because its owner was away... Away on a fairytale vacation, a dream... ... From cloud 9 to hell, that is what is reality... differentiate what is virtual and realise what is really real, and very soon you will find yourself further away from your fantasy...


What is to be in self-denial... that is to lie to yourself to tell yourself what u want to know but not what is to know... The truth is a medicine bitter sweet... taste the sarcasm, how rich it really is... I dun mean to scrutinise the truth and its 'after-taste'... but really who likes it when things dun go their way? Everyone wants things to go their way... who doesn't? But the ultimate decisive criterion is who has what it takes to accept what truely is not meant to go their way... For those who can I applaud u... for those who dun... >.< I understand...



Going home on an average journey... what is similar is so nostalgic... as u reminisce the past and question the future... every trip never the same... things dun ever change... but u change! a certain feeling of loneliness perhaps? what is to be lost? what has yet to be lost? and what exactly are u looking for?



Is there a compromise with everything u ever disagree with someone? If one says yes and one says no? Who is to let go? who is to surrender? Who is to play second fiddle? Is there truely a answer that is a balance of both? What of 'ok'? Ok = 50% yes and 50% no? Then what is 'ok'? Is that an oxymoron within itself? And if that truely is the case then tell me... tell me... What is the intermediate of a yes and a no? becuz... I dunno... T.T



The math lecturer Mr Seah Said something which set me thinking today... He raised a scenario about a friend who lied... and the other friend who was the victim of the lie confronted the liar of a friend and said... 'U always lie... Why do u always lie?'



It's just a one time isn't it? Why is it a one time mistake can be transformed into an eternal sin in the the minds of the people? If we can forgive and forget... then really... why is it when we argue we bring up things of the past? the painful ones? =( I wish people only thought of all the good times and so that negativity will quickly be nullified... and a bond even stronger...



Heart got pulled out a few days ago... Really never have been so sad in my entire life... Last few times maybe I had overreacted but when it boils don to the last... this time... it really felt like a part of me died... Still thinking of so many things... so many things I wanna solve, i wanna make better... yet sadly... I can't T.T What is the source u look for when u need to make the most painful decisions? when it means losing someone that really matters so much to u... it hurts... When things are the right thing to do... yet doing the right thing is like stabbing your own heart and then allowing it to heal after sometime...



Yet other times... I wish so hard and wish so dear... my one and only wish... a birthday wish... a new year resolution and sorts... All my wishes all the same but sadly... I guess somethings are not meant to be yours and they will never be... Wishing for a feeling that is so magically impossible...


Yet other times too... A promise to yourself... and a reminder... to never lose hope... a knot to seal it off... which comes from the depths of your heart... Searching for the lost B... ...

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