A season had passed by since I last posted about my summer transformation. It had been a painful journey while at the same time life-changing. People who read about my first metamorphosis would probably remember these (112kg --> 85kg):
So many feelings are invoked inside of me whenever I see these photos; I look into a mirror; even as I type this post. Everything feels so different now as compared to my life 5 months ago. People may think I'm being dramatic but that cannot be further away from the truth than how it really is. I am so much more than I was because losing that fat meant more than just seeing the weighing scale go down but rather it was all about the strong desire to want to lead 'a life'.
To those who were never ever fat (and I don't mean those irritating people around me who are already sticks but still say they are fat - I mean those who have unhealthy BMIs like me or are or were obese), you will never be able to understand how being fat destroys one's life. You may be able to imagine how it feels but feeling it first hand just KILLS YOU inside. It wrecks your confidence, it makes you unhealthy and unfit and most importantly it makes you hate yourself and get so envious when all the skinny people around you can just waltz into stylish clothing stores and grab any pieces they wish for... while I was left to be so fearful of clothes shopping because it really hurt me inside when I couldn't find nice clothes that could fit me and I felt so judged and ashamed of my own figure :( I died inside...
Being fat was like a black hole that just eats you up inside making you feel so empty and disappointed in yourself. More importantly... there will come a time in every fat person's life when they wonder if people could ever find them them attractive and feel so extremely touched (I know I did and still am) that there were friends that were willing to still be friends because they see the beauty beyond the skin... It was really sad but also touching~
For those who are struggling with real weight problems... I just want to assure you that... you are NOT hopeless and the truth of the matter is that you have the potential to regain your life if you so desire. But that being said I will tell my own truth too... and the painful fact is this:
Everybody HAS the potential to lose weight and burn that fat... HOWEVER... not everyone will be able to do it!!!
If there is to be one truth to every weight loss or fat burning or healthy regime... There is no point in losing 10 pounds and celebrating about it when you regain it back a few years down the road... That is REBOUND (a dieters' greatest nightmare)... What about this familiar scenario where you just try so hard to lose weight and has mild success at first but end up meeting the dreaded weight loss plateau and getting defeated by painful reality. Weight loss and fat burning is SERIOUSLY one of the hardest things in life and if you are WEAK!!! Let me tell you... you better GIVE UP now and not even try it. If you want to lose weight and burn that fat you have to WAGE wars and be willing to sacrifice.
SACRIFICE was the word... It was the word that I asked myself 5 months ago when I first firmed up and decided with an iron will that I was going to regain a LIFE... (I really wasn't trying to be vain or anything... my motivation is and always has been to regain the part of life I was too scared to embrace). I asked myself... "what am I willing to sacrifice to regain my life?" This may sound extreme... but guess what... my answer to myself was... "EVERYTHING... Take away 10 years off my life or my health or even my ability to study well... I WILL DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING as long as I am able to BURN THAT FAT... because I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE WORLD like I've never experienced before". With that the deal was sealed... That was how I was able to survive 7 days without eating a single calorie (just drinking green tea) during my first week and reach my epiphany of what 'TRUE HUNGER" feels like; how I wake up every morning to pull through my pilates even when I have exams at 9am I wake up at 6am to do it; how I run and do cardio every evening even when I only eat once a day until today; how I reject my friend's outings just because I've eaten and I just CANNOT disobey my oath to wage war against fats; how I can join my family for family feasts and not touch a single fries or even a piece of salad... It was all... because... I knew the value of my SACRIFICE
Every now and then... people do tell me that what I'm doing is not sustainable... But I tell them that I intend to make it a lifestyle and have been doing so for the past 5 months near 6. Am I happy? The truth is... it's painful :( But when I look back at my fat photos (which I keep in my wallet and phone) I am reminded of a past when I was even more unhappy. That is why... I chose to be unhappy instead of being unhappier! But I am satisfied with life don't worry... I just mean unhappy because I can't enjoy three meals and pure indulgences like other people around me... But it's a fair trade though...
It's a fair trade because I get to walk about and even run about without feeling so tired so easily. Clothes fit great and I can finally wear something less drab-like (believe me I used to be a fashion disaster) But MOST importantly... once you reach this stage of losing so much weight the air feels different and everything just looks different. You may not believe me... but your 5 senses will perceive the world so much more differently and suddenly you also realize who are your friends and know more about the true you that was always standing at the back of photos to hide that extra fats coming out...
For people who have been following this 'Summer sweatfest' series... I want to continue today and say that I DID NOT EVER GIVE UP since I last posted and throughout this entire season I've worked ever so hard and stayed motivated from the last transformation and I present you with my results:
My current weight is 72kg (finally my BMI is below 23 and hence I am NOT overweight anymore even by Singapore standards; in america 25 is actually the threshold)... this means that I've lost 13kg since my last summer transformation and this brings my total weight loss since I first started at 40kg. I don't know about you... but I am proud of my accomplishment because it really was a very painful process! and I have never met anyone around me who could lose so much weight within such a short period except on national television or the like. Having lost 40kg is equivalent to losing 35.7% of my body mass. (The thinner you are the harder it is to lose weight because it works by % body mass so don't be surprised if a heavy person loses more weight than you... % body loss is more accurate). To put this in perspective... If I accidentally impregnanted someone in secondary school (assuming I had sex at 15)... and have a daughter today who will be 13 years old (around there) she will be about 40kg! I lost a teenage woman!!! More importantly my A-cup moobs that put certain flat chested women to shame now provided pride back to these women whom I robbed of their women's pride!
I broke down in the cubicle of Uniqlo when I realized that I could fit into their size S shirt and could also wear pants that were a size 31! It was so overwhelming because I never ever NEVER ever once in my life ever thought I could wear an 'S' sized shirt let alone a 31 pants because I was just THAT FAT previously T.T To people out there who are struggling with weight loss REMEMBER the truth that I shared and know that EVERYTHING is possible only AS LONG AS you work for it! For friends who know friends who are struggling then you need to tell them this truth too and assure them that everything is possible but just be READY to face the price of it (whether it is physical pain or mental torture when you have to kick out those unhealthy foods out of your life)
Continuing on from last post... I'll also reveal 3 more weight loss tips that you may use or share with friends who need it. But remember... weight loss is a numbers game... burn more than you ingest and there will be net loss. There is really no mystery to the whole weight loss thing. If you cheated... no one will know... BUT YOU WILL...
#1 Low temperature is your best friend. I recall I last shared about drinking cold water and taking cold showers because they will force your body to expend energy so as to heat your body back to normal body temperature(that's the beauty of homeostasis). But let's be creative for a moment... there are other means to make use of low temperatures. I confess... I sleep nude every night and turn my air con to 16 degrees Celsius. It was HORRIBLE at first... I couldn't sleep initially because of two reasons... one it was freaking cold! and second... I was very conscious of my naked body. But know that by sleeping colder you burn more while you sleep and improve your blood circulation (ice jade bed from legend of condor heroes is not a joke literally). Sleeping naked also makes you more confidence about your own body though it takes a few days of acclimatization. A bonus benefit is how it improves fertility because it gives much needed ventilation to your privates. (true story)
#2 Know the science of losing weight! For example... do you know how we lose weight from our body or even why weight loss is SO INSANELY HARD? Well there is actually an explanation... People tend to think we lose weight when we sweat and when we visit the toilet which is not completely untrue. But the truth is that we humans are made up of organic compounds (i.e. predominantly carbon beings). That being said... we see how carbon enters our body through the food we eat. But how then do we lose it? Undigested carbon leaves our body through our shit. BUT... digested leave our body through our favorite process... RESPIRATION. What is the product of respiration? Carbon dioxide gas, energy and water. This carbon dioxide gas is what causes us to exhale and also how weight is truly lost from the body (meaning is not water and represents PURE and true weight loss) How heavy is a breath? lol How many breaths needed to lose 1 pound? I hope you are getting the idea of why weight loss is so hard.... YOU LOSE IT BREATH BY BREATH and this is also why you are constantly burning as evident by you breathing RIGHT NOW (so DON'T GO TELLING PEOPLE YOU AIN'T BURNING... hold your breath and die first before claiming that statement... YOU JUST AIN'T WORKING ENOUGH GURLLL)
#3 Sitting is a luxury as is your bag pack. If you are intent on losing weight you get creative. I add weights to my bag ALL THE TIME... On school days I will always have my laptop whether I need it or not just to add weight to my bag. In addition you will always find 2 1.5L water bottles in my bag not to quench my thirst but just to add the weight. To work even harder DON'T sit on public transport. I always stand and do calf raises etc with my loaded bag so I BURN all the time. I only take buses if they are more than 5 stops away and I always climb the stairs (even though I live on the 12 th storey) IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PAIN or there AIN'T NO GAIN PEOPLE.
As a final note... I just want to say to all those people who feel hurt and dejected because of the whole weight loss issues or for those people who know people who are trying so hard to regain their lives... Always know that the journey will be a tough one... I ain't going to lie... But know that that at the end of the whole process it will be so worth it... when you finally learn to love yourself better and feel that there are less things weighing you down in life... All you need to do really... is to find that willpower inside of you and NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF T.T (I truly tear when I think of this statement) Because no matter how many people believe in you or love you or whatever... it ain't mean anything at all... if you don't believe yourself or love yourself for that matter... truly... :')
