A Post As A Result of Free Tine

LOL guess where I am now? I'm in MI's staffroom with nothing to do. I only have one period today so u can say it's sitting duck for me. The rest of the interns have their classes so basically I'm all lone. Feel like playing neopets and all but also scared later so unprofessional >.< Oh well... monday's school exp was really quite distasteful but Luckily ytd and today was rather pleasant.

I realise I've got loads to brush up on inorder to be a teacher too. So lots of hnwk for me. I have hnwk when i get home.I actully have to mug for geog before the lessons like I am mugging for the a lvls. So maybe when I come out from this internship my a lvl geog and chem would be awesome haha.

Still getting used to calling the teachers by their real names or nicknames. Culture shock there haha. Still a bit timid but then it really feels shuang when the students greet u and then call u cher or Mr Zhao. haha Hopefully i can become more confident infront of a crowd and deliver which is also an aspect of NS that I have to overcome. Still fingers crossed awaiting my a lvl results. If it's not all As I swear I will CRY zzzzz.

Suddenly rmbed something today in the morning... ... I miss... It fell... But then of no use anws. Staff meeting is in a few hrs. Maybe I'll see some interesting stuff there.

A Comparison between Human and Beasts

I was reading this article the other day... An attack on Charles Darwin's theory of evolution and in fact any theory pertaining to evolution. It qned... if humans were indeed evolved from the primates or were we merely created by god. An issue of the ethnic core values, where faith seems to exist in the unknown. If humans were considered superior becuz we have minds. Then what is a 'mind'? do animals have minds too? Is the act of minding just a neuro-activity or is it so much more?

In everyone we see... call ourselves civilised or call ourselves the top of the food chain. There are beasts in all of us. Taking the subject of procreation into the matter, let's analyse this: A man has to fight battles against other males inorder to get a mate. This is nature trying to select for the better male passing his better genes to the future generations. But whilst in the urban jungle... maybe such archaic and beastly instincts do previal. What a woman sees in a man. The power to start a family unit, the strength and intelligence, the good looks or maybe just great personality traits. Maybe females are the selectors (pardon me if there is no such word) for making better humans. They choose the best male to bear their offsprings and so pass on favourable genes. and through it all... men have to think of multiple ways to make themselves more attractive to their polar nemesis. lol

I'm not sure if evolution is wrong. Maybe god created us or such. But then again I dun think I have the power to change such theories grounded on years and years of research and hordes of believers. But one thing I'm quite certain. I see humans no more than animals. Be it maybe we came from the butt scratching, lice-ridden monkeys =.=(which i dread the thought). There must be some deep understanding in this all... So let's call this... 'the truth'. Maybe one day when i die I may know what the truth is... But until then... I'll forever live in my urban jungle, where the threats of rising global temperatures are as good as a forest fire and where stampedes of people are abound during chinese new year chinatown or sentosa countdown parties. When u draw a line between the species and the order, class and phylogeny... maybe that line ain't so thick as we thought...

Well moving on... to the topic of greatness. Seeing tmr is going to be my first day being an actual teacher in MI. I'm really starting to get the butterflies. =/ But seeing that a teacher is a noble profession i wish in the process i may just learn a thing or two abt what makes someone great. And it is then maybe i can be a greater person and a fren to ppl around me. And i guess more imptly i wanna feel great abt myself... =/

The Memory That Echoes

Until today... probably a week had passed by... But some phrases u hear from people. Those that actually get to the heart they nvr really fade away as do daily conversations do. Keep hearing them repeatedly in the head. Not to say they were wrong. Not to say they were words that bring fire. Also not to say I feel like dying... Just feel hollow as though some lonely cold wind scud by the sort of thing whenever that videoclip replay in the head...

Life's not as easy as it seems... I'm working my guts out to not be something I dun wanna become or rather remain. I want to make a difference and lead a different life. I want to hold my head high again if that ever matters to anyone. I want to dare to go out and see the world and show people the confident side of me instead of withdrawing and feeling like an outcast...

But then again... the words go on and on in my head... and i wonder if... maybe after everything... it's right that... I'm still some lousy soul afterall... just thinking I mean something to this world when I'm not... who am I anyway? Neither rich nor good company too... and whenever i rmb those words... I dun feel like hanging out or being frens with anybody... Feel like being alone until I figure out how to be a great person so that ppl would enjoy my company and as a fren =/

Really I guess... ... 'You think you so great?' a nvr dying phrase.... ...

The Whys, Hows and Silly Things

It's a long time since I last posted anything here... figured some things are just meant not to be posted... Well I've sort of sorted through them myself so it's the calm of a storm. Discoveries be it for the better or those that make u horrible, I guess that's why we are humans... We always try even when we know we might fail. So I'll try to improve myself so that I can lead a happier life.

Stuff people said... Some speak to me... While others, as simple as a mere phrase is gonna be in my mind for the rest of my life. 08S02 chalet was a day of reckoning and self discovery when i start to see the real me and until now I dun dare to ask the people how they felt or if what I am thinking of how they felt were indeed true... =/ But whatever it is... I've decided not to ask anymore. Becuz thing is I thought I was horrible so I shld do something to change myself.

Walking home today after a trip to the gym and I saw that grass patch that has been left bare after some deconstruction took place a year ago. And i rmbed Toh Liling once said that the grassy area was cooler. And that time I responded that no way... cuz plants respire too so logically speaking a grassy area will feel hotter than a barren piece of land... Just random thoughts here. lol

Discovered some facts about proteins and fat metabolism today while I was surfing the net and realised i made a super BIG mistake in my dieting plans. Well not too late to correct them since I just started ytd anyways.This time I'm gonna build muscle instead of just thinking of slimming down =) Hopefully with the extra muscle my fats will be burned off more easily.

Singing songs today all day long... Sounds really dumb... But always like to memorise the lyrics of my fav songs. And this time i actually learning an anime song. Sakura kiss in Ouran High School Host Club. Ah well... a big sweat at the gym, a haircut and then a cold shower feels awesome... =)

Outpushing Of Pseudopodia

Watched finished a new anime today. It's Ouran High School Host Club. It was a pretty funny show and I laughed on practically every episode =). In this anime I also learnt that interestingly attracrtive guys can be divided into differenr categories lol... Just some food for thought though so i guess take with a pinch of salt... They are: 'Prince type', 'Mischevious type', 'Strong and Silent type', 'Boyish type', 'Cool type' and 'The Natural type'. haha see if u can identify which guy in the picture is which type. oh and btw one of them is a girl in disguise as a guy ^^.

but oh well... actually i have a lot of things to blog abt... But suddenly realise in the blogging world u can't say what u wanna say if it would affect other ppl... Makes me qn what blogging is for anyways... becuz as a venting tool... it kinda sux... So much on my mind... but i guess can;t put it here... the end now i guess =/

The Art of The Craft

In just 3 days... 5 ppl birthday had passed lol. And speaking of bdays... I just suddenly thought of the art of bday gift crafting. Sometimes i wonder... when I put in so much effort and time and creative juices if those gifts will actually be meaningful for the long run. i mean though ppl give me such gifts i will keep with me in a safe place... that's all I do...

And every year it is a challenge yet greater. Becuz i have to constantly come up with better and better works of art so that things dun get dull. Right now on hand I have like 3 bday gift projects in my head that are due in weeks or for some months. Really thinking hard on what to do liao... hopefully i will get enlightened soon.

After the quest for the BIG why... I realised something in me changed. I no longer wanna hang out with girls that much. probably first time in my life that i actually prefer the company of the same gender. I guess that's a good thing considering I'm going to NS and this ought to make me manlier ^^V.

Actually feeling a bit lonely nowadays... Busy thinking abt loads of stuff and wondering what to do to be a good fren. Hooi kim says it takes a long time... But with little encounters face to face i wonder even if with time it will still work. hai... actually shldn't post here. I shld just think to myself

A Quick Post To A Bad Day

Was listening to the song 'bad day' as i was going to NUS to learn how to teach today... It's rather ironic I would say... becuz today is supposed to be a happy day for me. But then I feel very anxious and very vexed inside... =/

For those that send me wishes on fb or sms and give me nice bday presents thx a lot... really =D Cuz... like I said in past few posts... to me bday if ppl rmbs show that ur existence is appreciated and I'm glad that in this world at least my existence means something to ppl... =X Shall not mention what's so frustrating here bah... let it continue to simmer and boil in my heart and mind... probably going to sleep early and hope this day ends real soon... ... =(

Sometimes I deserve that slap to wake me up from those expectations... and I qn those around me if I'm truely evil to think that way... Just I guess becuz I gave so much so I wished for at least some recognition and appreciation... ... =/ But probably I got it all wrong le bah... =/

Back From Kukup... Now A Day To The Big Day

Dun really have any pictures to post for this post, cuz all the f3 trip photos are with joey lol. Well once she publishes them on fb, I'm gonna go steal the best pics and post it here haha. Kukup trip was really exciting becuz this is my first ever trip overseas with a grp of frens. Kukup is a small fishing village in Malaysia btw. and Toh Liling was right about the pollution part. Cuz in Kukup all the water u use go straight down into the sea and mud below the kelongs.

To make matters worst, the locals there toss everything down the mangrove swamp, and I seriously mean everything =.= I actually got super guilty when I bathed becuz I knew that all the soapy water was going flow into the sea below and I felt damn bad. I asked the other f3 ppl but they didn't really care. lol guess I was thinking too much. As always during these types of trip, I emoed unfortunately close to night time but recoverd after a good sleep. Oh well... let bygones be bygones. =)

Played table tennis for the first time too and it was DAMN fun, The first day everyone was like super wild over it and i was like thinking how fun could it get? But second day when I tried I went crazy too... But hai... i played 6 matches and LOST all 6 matches >.< Gotta try hard for next f3 ping-pong match haha. We all wanted to watch the sunrise... but sadly the sky was obscured by clouds zzzzz. And we got up too early to watch it. We went there to camp at like 4+ am? LOL Oh oh and how could I forget the awesome fireworks we played that night. Damn cool la haha... But not as cool as when I was in China that time during AYLC. The fireworks there were BIGGER and more colourful. haha sj rmbs too...

Overall... though many of us got sunburnt... the food was so-so... we didn't really played any great games as a grp... we didn't catch any fish at all during fishing =.=... we didn't catch the sunrise as planned... But I would say I really enjoyed this trip becuz of everyone there which made it truely fun. I admit that there are times when I ask myself if I truely belong with f3, me, being so quiet and all... But even if I dun... I wish I were becuz everyone is so nice =) Well putting the days of Kukup behind me now... but of course implanted in my head. tmr would be jan 5th liao...

Two big events. One is my birthday and second is that I have to go to the teaching thing and finally FINALLY first time in my life I have to wear office attire =.=. Wonder how that will turn out seriously... Been thinking of what to wish for for my bday for a long long time... i mean I only get one bday wish a yr... so I gotta be careful. But then again last yr's wish didn't really come true... hai... feel like wishing for it again... But i wonder if bday wishes are really that special?

I'm hopeful for certain things... ... But by the current situation I decide let's drop it... Wouldn't wanna add extra burden to someone already with problems cuz that's the good fren thing to do... =)

A Happy New First Day?

It's finally 2010... On the last day of 2009 it seems as though the first day of 2010 would be sacred... But at the instant that the clock struck 0000... 1/1/10 seems like any other ordinary day...

Actually I wanted to talk about my interesting countdown activities... But I suddenly dun have the mood to do so... I am thinking about something =/ And u can say I'm waiting for something at this moment. There is a burning question in my mind... But then if I look at the past I feel fear as to whether to voice it out... And I ask myself if maybe I shld hold it in or something. I'm waiting... ... waiting... waiting... I wonder if my wait will be in vain today =(