The Period Of Empty

Where did it all go? All the words that should have been said and all those voices that I should be hearing~~~ Don't really know what the value is when two people so close to one another is separated by a silence wall...

I really don't know what I'm thinking nowadays... Just know I hate the silence and also the fact that I constantly seek to end my dreadful feelings of loneliness. If only I found someone or people that could abate this hunger and finally make me feel less alone and more appreciated. Being in a state of solitude and loneliness are 2 BIG different things... and right now I feel lonely~~~~~~ =///

A Star That Lost Its Luster

The stars that illuminate the night sky are aplenty. Some brighter than others; some larger and more obvious than others. Stars in the night sky burn out everyday. Sometimes some just go missing a few days later. Some could have died when we see them as the light too millenniums to reach our eyes.

A star lost its shine in the inky blackness of space. And I tried to find back the lost luster only to realize the distance was too large to cover. Does it really matter when one out of myriad star lights is extinguished?

Haven't told anyone yet... What is happening because there's really nothing much anyone can do about it. I have my own conjectures... But this has gone on for some time already hasn't it? Maybe it's time... I told someone... That this matter has been making me really sad inside =///

Words To The Living Dead

If we never got a sign of whether there is life on Mars would we believe that there is extraterrestrial life forms out there in the cold darkness of the empty space?

Have we never sat down or laid in bed even though we are awake and got things to do, just to think about some things and to reflect on what had happened?

Climb up high into the mountain tops or trek into a deep dark cavern and give a shout. We are bound to hear our resounding voices. But what if there were no echoes when we give that loud wail... ... What went wrong? =X

Are words to the dead really lost? Can what we say still reach them when they have left us. Does it matter to the receiver? Does it matter to me? Does it matter to everybody else?

Is the truth staring so sharply at me yet I am so ignorant to realize it?

That the truth is the person already died and that chapter is over. Fond memories we'll always keep, but sometimes things were just not meant to last. Does it really matter if we found out what happened? Does it help to continue talking to the dead when there is no sign or whatsoever that they are listening? Maybe leave a message in a bottle and let it drift out to sea... ... For no path is darker when our eyes are shut~

A Last

I realized I've been blogging a lot lately, and that's definitely not a good sign. So I'm going on a hiatus and stop this incessant blogging less I attract too much attention. It's quite funny though I find it. If I really didn't want people to see things, why the hell do I bother using analogy after analogy and post them on facebook? Because the truth is I hope whatever I type, to who it may concern, will see this and the feelings and emotions channeled =/

I wish I didn't have to face it everyday. Because ignoring it just ain't helping very much, but facing things straight on ain't exactly the best way to do it either. I think I should stop taking things so personally. I learnt by now from words and from people I am over-enthusiastic and that does not go well with most people unfortunately =/ I feel like I have irritated people for awhile, but I don't know what other way I should react because I'm just trying very hard to be myself =X

I've probably exerted a lot of pressure on people when I ask them why certain things happen... Zhao Mian... You know people don't like to answer whys right? T.T Imagine if you were them then you wouldn't have liked it either. Certain things are just answers that need not be sought. Everybody knows it, so why bother making life difficult for others and at the expense of getting a wound even deeper than it already is.

I've said so much and this will probably be my last post for awhile... Don't see a point being secretive...

So I decided to lock myself away only to realize I felt really depressed. I'm so selfish because I really wanted to make friends and along the way I probably omitted the feelings of the people I wanted to befriend. Not everyone wants to be friends.

The time I've met everyone can be counted within hours; when there's nothing to say there really is nothing is there? Don't bother trying to make something up to converse when there really isn't anything; and most importantly don't be an invader and act one emo because people will feel bad =/

Even when I'm very emo... Very upset. And seeing faces brings stings I must pretend that nothing is wrong and the episodes are over. That way is when I am not selfish anymore... and when I say I WON'T TRY ANYMORE then FREAKING MEAN IT!!! I'm so disappointed that I still am so persistent... I'm disgusting =///

The Transparent Dream

To remain as pure as the driven snow... That's probably what everybody wanted to start out to become. But as people should have realized by now- the inconvenient truth- that we never turn out to be what we said we would be. Kids say the silliest things sometimes: Be it to wish for world peace or to simply be contented with a world of friends. It is to laugh that such naive ideals can never actually be accomplished in the cold and harsh world we live in. But it gives me hope, or rather I guess such dreams and aspirations give this world some hope-- Hope that it is not so bad after all~

It would always be wise and best to consider the feelings of others before we start becoming the critics we know we are experts yet. But it can be so hard to think for others when most of the time we are just so tired already fending for ourselves =X But we try our best to maintain that equilibrium, in the best of our capacity to do so. Inevitably different people have different focal points and that's when different perspectives make for a vividly varied society...

I admit I have not been doing so well coping with managing myself and then thinking in other people's shoes. The truth is it's so hard when different interests clash and I can't help feeling so hurt when decisions have to be made and 'hungers' abated. I just can't extinguish that little ember of hope that still glows somewhere in the depths of my heart can I? So I fight fortuitously to prevent myself from losing that power of control over my overwhelming ripple of emotions~~

A Rift Can Make A World Of A Difference

It's astounding and magical how we can always play with words, and I mean it plainly. Creating space between a word can have interesting results. What was once one meaning can now have another. Just like how one word can sometimes mean two different things, always a constant; just the beholder being the variable.

Deja Vu today and old wounds suddenly seem like they were made yesterday. Terrible dreams recently, and I wake up to restless nights, troubled by insomnia and cloudy thoughts. I do hope... in the midst of the chaos that is swirling ahead of my endless path I see a sign of what is to come next. What is the point to this ordeal?

I realized by now that being apart from people is really simple, but to try to be a part of something is a challenge. Human relations is tricky. It cannot be solved by any logical means, and sometimes we do things that just seem plain crazy. We can put in as much hard work and time as we want but at the end of the day we may still not get what we wished for~ It takes all that plus a bit of fate that wraps up the perfect recipe for long lasting bonds.

I feel like I've thrown about for awhile. Like a haggard old man being tossed and turned in the open ocean. But I do believe whatever I've done is known to the hearts of the many. Perhaps people may never know how each other feel, but what speaks louder than actions? And I'll stay silent and dormant, afraid of the new realization of a world I didn't knew previously... This time I won't anymore... because it stung too much and too many =/

Seeing Is Believing

Sometimes our eyes play tricks on us. What we see may not be what is true. This applies to the things around us and also the people around us... How do I know when I really know a person? Or a better question could be: When can I claim I know someone? Does knowing someone for a long long time really mean I know this person well? Or just a lie and facade that had survived undiscovered over the decades and scarily years more to come~

Did it just get colder or just a feeling? Like a minty tinge on the heart that so resembles the icy chill of a wintry breeze~~~ How do I know what I see is real? =S How deep... ...

I thought I knew the people but then more or less I come to believe how naive I was to have thought that miracles could be forged within such a short duration. I'll never forget this time... passion + sincerity does not mean you'll ever succeed. Just that... just that... I know I opened my heart fully to it all so I had never lied to anyone or myself... Just that sometimes when we open doors we also subject ourselves not only to hope but pain from the hope that never came even after you decorated your door so nicely for it's arrival.