Guess What's This

It is a debate whether everyone needs this... We have it from young when it takes the most unexpected of faces. There was a time when our parents were our very firsts, but as we grew older we loathed them most of the time and ended up building a wall with them. We went to school and visited places and we came to know people. People from different walks of life and people with different views altogether.

In our early years, the skies were rainbows and sun shines, and outer space held infinite possibilities, at the mercy of only our creativity. We shared our dreams with each other for a better tomorrow. A time when villains always failed and justice prevailed all. It was perhaps a child's naive touch... or optimistic mind that shaped it from the very beginning... We grew up in a warm sheltered and comfortable Singapore...

Things became complicated as we continued on our own paths. Goodbyes were said and suddenly the skies no longer seem so colourful anymore. There were now occasional rain storms. But this only made life considered living. We had different views about the subject this time. But once again everyone depended on one another to look forward to the sun after the storm. =) We held on to one another and talked things out, forever facing the East where the sun we knew well will rise again the next day at that very spot. There was a time... we depended on these people we called friends because everyone was going through the same thing and understood each other's pain...

Then there was a darkened age... where we started to wonder who we were as our minds metamorphosized into mature brains. While others didn't think back to the past and wonder what it all meant there were also people that did. This would be what everybody would be saying: Think too much...

From love it grew and from loneliness it was needed. Some say they need it more than others while others may find it a waste of time and energy. It was not a matter of independence or dependency. Because two sides to every coin... when there was love, there was jealousy. When there were smiles there were also frowns. =/ It was like a plant. Easy to get but hard to maintain. Because to raise a good pot of plant, we needed a constant supply of sunlight and water as well as a occasional addition of fertilizer...

We faced it... rather I faced it. People my age no longer really need it any more, as do I admit it. We are all too busy about everything else. The pureness or hearts we used to have are no longer. Empty promises and feelings... Best it be let go. Not to fully release it... But maybe to consider playing it as a second fiddle~

The Truth

I wanted to tell people the truth but something held me back. It was the fear inside of not being accepted and probably ending up as a public menace. Why should I burst the pretty bubble for people when now they see a beautiful illusion? =S Perhaps things would be better that way. I aren't completely lying to them =X I am just not showing my real side.

I truely am sincere about everything I do and treat the people around me. But people need to know that I'm not always what I appear to be. It has been a real struggle fighting with the other person inside me. Fighting so hard to come out. I'm not all sunshine and rainbows and oh let's not forget the fanciful unicorn... ... Inside rages a swirling chunk of dark clouds; and emoish and depressing self~

I'm fighting that part... A fight between dark and light, as dramatic as that may sound. But who doesn't face this everyday? =S I wished people to know when I am really upset, heartbroken, disappointed and just plain emo =/ I hated to be alone because I hated to feel lonely =X Alas, I wondered if I wanted attention too =////

Truth be told... I'm afraid people won't want to be friends with me anymore if they knew I had such depressing thoughts~~ But then I ask myself everyday whether putting up a facade is the way to do it... I could have 'friends' but not people who truely know who I am and accept who I am... and if that's the case: Do I even remotely have a single friend now? I know though... I will never be a part~~~

I'm Standing Right Here

Suddenly the year just seems to have passed so quickly. In less than a month's time it will be 2012 and at last we shall see if the Earth truely meets the apocalypse as foretold. In due honesty, I pray that it doesn't just end in some fiery explosion. I still have so much to live for and so much I want to accomplish and I refuse to just drop dead when I still see so much in front of me waiting to be grasped.

I think I became stronger =X After all the ordeals and all the things that had happened this year. My heart and spirit froze over many a times, but I guess in doing so also hardened everything. I wanted an iron will from the start. A spirit unbending and unyielding to even the greatest of corruption, because in life I long for purity in the darkness.

It's kind of funny really that when I look back at a lot of the things which I considered painful they suddenly seem so meaningless now... I once told a friend that I felt really ashamed that I do not have any ambition to work towards yet =/ But that friend told me that it was nothing to be shameful about because probably no one knows exactly what they want in life. Life is big and all about making the trials and errors.

Until now, I'm still a person stuck in the middle of a huge ocean with no sight of land. However, my passion burns vigorously however, and I am filled with hope. Fortune tellers predicted that I would be blessed and protected by the lucky stars when I was still young. I got to admit that thus far, I have experienced a great deal of fortune and luck. However, I also attribute it to the fact that I have done nothing bad and always try to do good. So it could all be just my good karma haha.

Right now. Right here. I am standing right here, where I am supposed to be. I am really not sure if there is really such a thing as fate that ties us down to our destiny, for I truely hate the fact if we are living the lives of people held by puppet strings that are controlled by an invisible hand. I take pride in everything single thing I do. So no one can ever deny one thing about me: half-hearted efforts. For all I do is always as a whole with my heart and soul~