A Heart Broken For The World

Why does life have to force people to do things they don't want to do? Yet it's hardly anyone's fault is it? I mean... they just wanted to survive and they probably did not know how to but to cheapen themselves and sell their souls~~

So I watched helplessly as people mocked them and yet I couldn't do anything but weep in my heart for how circumstance sometimes forces people to mistreat themselves. How those smiles and laughter are just facades of people who hate themselves and not proud of what they're doing...


I asked myself what I could do-- Nothing I could do could change this world. For cast a light and a shadow is made. No matter how hard I try I only see my own limitations. How big this world is and how much ground there is to cover.

I saw someone I cared about fall prey to the shackles of an addiction and I really wanted so much to reach out a hand to save the friend. But am I being self-righteous? God tell me... tell me please... am I doing the right thing to impose what I thing is good on others? I wanted to help others but always not arrogant--know it all... but humble at heart because I know there is still so much I do not know~~

It wrenches my heart as I see the addiction consume the friend... I reached out a hand but realized it takes his hand to pull him up too. Yet I turn a blind eye I might as well gorge out my own two eyes for I have sinned when I see things bad and not do anything about it :(


God... Tell me what I should do? It's funny but I feel so much for all these things I want to cry. So much feelings and emotions welling inside me. Why do I feel this way

The Dreams That Makes Memories

A dream within a dream... Ever had that feeling of that you've been in one of the scenes in the movie 'Inception'? We desire peace from the world every night as we put our hearts and minds to rest. Rest from the cacophony of noises in our heads and ears; Rest from the anxiety and stress of work and lamentations; Rest from the constant battle between good and evil that tears at our consciences. And as darkness glazes our eyes and mind... A new adventure unfolds before us. A realm of uncertainty as to what may happen. For the dream realm is but a place of enigma-- A place where the science of this world fails to explain and our minds fail to comprehend.

A vision of night we receive. A blessing when we see rainbows and the beauty of this world and a curse when we see demons hiding at every corner. But what is it about dreams that make them so special? Admit it that we hardly remember what we dream of anyways. It's all such a blur and yet we know in our heads that the details are locked up somewhere in our mind. You just need some sort of trigger to stir up all those juicy bits and clear up those vaguely familiar scenarios.

My point is this... As we lay to sleep at night and we dream a dream of fantasy. As much of the dream realm all these fantasies belong to they are as much as etched in our minds as memories. So if I lost someone I loved in a dream and cried. Don't I wake up with tear drops streaking down my face? I know I do~

What we feel and what we see... The experiences in a world that makes no sense. My mind was not my own and my heart beat seemed to stop. I submerged myself into the character of a story which brought me to unfold myriad mysteries, and when I awoke I remember and they become a memory of mine. And it really makes me wonder how real are dreams anyway? For do I not feel the pain of this world from a heartache as much as I felt the ache of that world? And did I not feel unspeakable joy in a dream as did I wake up in an awesome mood?

Some dreams we really are surprised at ourselves for conceiving them. I wonder if they show me my innate desires or the dark side that I so diligently suppress every second of my life. But one thing's for certain: The dreams I have they become a memory. 


An echo from a shadow realm , a whisper of things yet to come. Thought's strange sister that dwells in night. Is swept away at the first dawn's light~~

Fly Fly... Far Far Away

Who hates helium balloons? We all gotta love them when we were kids and even as adults don't those vibrant colors seem to appeal to our childish natures? Remember those times when we would tug those helium filled balloons with the streamers in one hand and run across a stretch of road to see it follow us behind like the moon in the night sky. The colors made us smile and the naive dream that one day we may fly into the sky if we had enough balloons in our hands.

Ever made a wish; Wrote it down on a balloon and then release it into the sky? Did we not pray for a higher power to read our words of well wishes and pray that the single earnest wish will reach the angels and that rains of blessings will fall down to our lives. Because as we tugged the streamer firmly with our hands-- in fear that the next wind will carry it away from us; our heart so firmly tug onto the corners of a dream we're about to surrender...

The action of a wish we wrote down and sent it away into the horizon; the surrendering of one's desire to fate for we could hold onto no longer. As do fish swim in the sea and birds glide in the air, so do dreams are meant to soar and take flight. Do you understand what I'm trying to express? =S

The heartache of letting go of something so beautiful and colorful just because. Do we remember how sad we were when we were kids and our bright red balloon escaped from our grasps and skyrocketed vertically into the blue unknown. I remembered I cried and asked my dad to get it back. Yet we all knew that where it was going it could never return~~

Do we still write a wish right now and send it into the sky hoping god would read and answer our prayers? Naivety or the act of a desperate believer? It matters not... 


But know that when we do pluck up the courage to let go the dream and the memory or whatever it is that your heart tugs on that it is going to fly far far away~~ beyond our reach. Whatever is the reason to do so... remember it well as the day you decided to surrender this desire and wish just so you could move on without it... 


Am I talking of a balloon when I was a child or a dream I have. That's all pillow talk really... for the true meaning behind these words and stories lies in the heartbeat of this throbbing post. Can you hear it? 

A Glistening Star In The Vast Black Sky

Do we feel lost in a sea of thoughts and an ocean of jealousy? Constantly fitting ourselves into photo frames and hiding behind smiles... We waste ourselves away as we live each and every single day. Shed a tear and moved on from hurt that bled inside us; Yelled at those that cared about us and felt guilty afterward; Lied to someone when we didn't wanted to do so at the very beginning; Tried to do good even though we knew we weren't that great at all~~

Where were we when we could have made a difference to our lives? We yearned for 'if only' and indulged ourselves in a world of fantasy and fairy tales...


We wanted to make friends and we wanted to meet our lovers. For they gave us acceptance and nurturing. They gave us a means through which we did not feel so alone anymore. Sometimes we take these people for granted even though we always tell people this cliche statement. It's not that we intended to. But human limits are prevalent and we could never shower attention on so many people at the same time... We quickly learnt that people come and people go... Much like the cyclic seasons that come and enter into our lives. Always the same yet somewhat different and each one etched into our memories forever and more~~


Do you crave for love? Do you want to be more perfect just so you could help those around you? Like a tiny kid lost in a city of towering buildings and skyscrapers looking for refuge under the watchful ink blackness of the night sky...

Admit it... That we counted the stars and admired the moon. The sky was not so dark after all. It led us to where we are today but yet we still tread cautious~ For we all fear things of big and small in nature... We fear of the darkness that will consume us; we fear of the darkness that implodes from within us...


We were sinners in every way; sinners in every aspect. A multi-faceted diamond on decay into the void... Could a sinner be a saint? For it is all so oxymoronic..

Yet by grace we were all saved... We did not choose him, but he chose us...

I am really the greatest sinner of them all... Yet he still chose me despite the darkness. I ran from the light initially for the light purged the darkness and revealed my darkest secrets. But having struggled in the darkness I forgot about how warm the light was. Isn't that what's happened to all of us? The greatest love of all... was that he loved us before he even saw us. And that is how the greatest love is so blind. 


We undeserving people... How sinful and arrogant. 


Yet never once was I forsaken... He's not slow to save but patient... 


And I could do nothing... for no words could express my thoughts -- No words in the dictionary at all. Just tears fill my eyes at a love so great and I could do nothing but praise the glistening star in that vast black sky to guide me to him once again~

A Tale Of One City- Two People

Are what we have as memories forever our own alone? For isn't every moment we ever spent... Spent with people in our time somehow. One episode... For One incident when I felt this and then you felt that. But in the end. Different feelings and different versions of the same thing that happened. So who is it to decide how was it that things really happened? =S

What is real? I really can't tell anymore. Especially for somethings I find myself so mixed up that I find myself falling~~

Do I lack the faith? Do I lack the conviction?

Don't I even have that small bit of trust left in me to believe in the people around me?

Cos... this isn't a game at all =( Not a game where I can do whatever I want and be the hero of the story in the end...

Cos no matter how many times I flip a coin to decide a fate: A head; a tails. Two faces of the same object~ Much like how every day we sometimes do this but actually feel something else entirely... Does that make me a hypocrite? I think that just makes me human! But a midst the facades and the disguises do we still feel serenity within our daily lives. Before we sleep do we still remember we are the coin. Not the heads or tails we so based our lives to adapt to different issues and to show people different faces: Sometimes just so we could fit in or feel better of ourselves because deep inside we felt so lousy we could die. Where are we now? 


Cos... I feel lost~~ Hoping to go to sleep to escape the thought