Counting The Days to Come

It's a long time since I last posted anything. Would consider this a dead blog if not updating now. Times are moving rather quickly now. No... perhaps time had always moved as it does now. But when big things are impending it always gives people this delusion. It's almost time to fulfill my patriotic duty. Which somehow starts to give me knots in the belly. I was thinking maybe NS isn't going to be as great as I expected.

I mean sure, they have seaside views and three meals catered for. There would also be constant lookout to ensure you are safe and in order... etc etc But let's face facts that these are no accomodations for a first class beach resort. No! They are rather the shackles of my freedom at least for the next two years, and my trip away from home. Something which I wished for but is now getting nervous to have my wish come true.

The dramatics of life I suppose. A neverending lineup of 'extraordinary' events of a storybook titled the laughs and sobs of zhaomian. I'm starting to train for NS now... Quite happy I've released some shackles of my own body. And yes... I've managed to lose some of those stubborn pounds, but nevertheless that in itself is a neverending war I wage with my biochemistry.

I've been getting feelings of dread as we grow older. It's as if life such got a whole lot complicated as we get to choose our futures. Things used to be set up for us to step on. But now times have changed. Lose out on the scholarship applications and you may very well condemn your own dreams. Choose the wrong course, and hell hath no fury for the lost soul. I have to make so many decisions in so little time. Of course I understand everyone is going through the same. But I still feel like a kid, still too young to take that first step to chart my destiny.

I'm shyly admitting that I still play with toys and imagine fighting scenes with magicks and such. Things people probably moved on already. I also watch cartoons and laugh at them. I really feel like I have two faces. The face of a child when I play with my toys and talk to my plushies, and the face of a man when I interact with people in the 'adult' and social circle.

Whatever it is... This ordeal that is to come. An ordeal called NS... I count the days to come and had even dreamt of its arrival. Perhaps it's just that I've been thinking too much about it... But whatever the case, this rite of passage to become a man as the ministry of defense calls it... No matter what I feel about it... I know it will come one day... and very soon indeed. May the night still be young for I wish for a dream I had yesterday... to continue on like a mini saga of my own making... good night