I've always enjoyed swimming at the pool. But of course I hate the crowds and the weekend mornings when there are just so many kids flooding the pool because of swimming lessons. My initial intent to continue my swimming ritual begun with the intention to burn the calories. But every time I take that plunge and swim that distance I feel serene and at peace. For each plunge I make into that cold water and break the surface of calm... I enter into a world of memories and hear my own voice that echoes from a distant past... So many memories flood back to me and I get overwhelmed with the excitement and joy of having lived life at least once...
I recalled a time when I was still such a child. When my aunt will pass me a bag of longans when I was about 4-5 years old. She will then tell me to play the usual game of the "longan tree". Silly me will hold onto those longans like I was a real tree and call my aunt when the longans had ripen so she could come eat them...
In another incident I remembered a time when I was a student leader overseas... How I facilitated a camp and interacted with kids from all over the World. They looked up to me and I remembered how I would participate in the games with them even though I was the facilitator. On the last day i think everyone cried. I really had fun and I learned so much from people from all over the World. More importantly... I also learned how similar everyone actually were as well... We all had a beating heart that when the common link is drawn together can beat as one...
I had vague memories of my OCS commissioning parade. The only thing I really remembered was my mum helping me put on my rank and then there was the tossing of my headdress. One of the proudest days of my life; probably for my parents too. I was sad however that I had to say goodbye to a lot of my friends whom I had grown to love over the painful course of 9 months... Suddenly things came to an end...
Many many many such memories come to me... Whenever I plunge into that pool and swim without any abandon. It dawned on me halfway today though that things never ever did turn out the way that I ever expected them to. Because all the people I ever became good friends with came when I least expected it. The lives I touched... Some i leave behind while others touch me so much that even after they leave I can still hear their voices and picture that image that is frozen in time and stashed in my memory vault...
For a time I kept asking myself what was 'strong'. Until today I still can't really come up with that answer yet. I initially thought that being aggressive and strong-willed meant that I was strong. But I felt misguided. But in the end I admit to everyone today... I am weak... But I am strong because I know I am weak. I know I can't do everything I set out to do; I know I can never be the person everyone wants me to be... Of course... I know I cannot do everything by myself... Because when we come together we become strong... But by myself I am so frail...
I may be weak... but I want to help; want to make a difference... Maybe my own power is meager. But I hope that in whatever people do... whether they are strong or weak... If I am to be there... I wish I can add on my power to make it stronger (even by just a little).
I look into the mirror everyday and I see a guy I have not seen for a long time... I tell myself there are things that only I can do even though there are many things I know I can never be as good as others. But i try... and I work hard to do it... I still think I am a kid inside. But it doesn't really matter (though my father always scolds me for being a boy and not a man yet). But what's so bad about being a boy?
All I know is to always be sincere... and pure in my intentions... and never forget ever... that my feelings are just as important as others ever will be~ Because we're all alive...
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