Abandon Ship

Whenever I blog it is a release so the more I blog... The more stormy I am inside... =X All these things I'm feeling and facing... Can't help but think they all branch out from a single root. Deep down perhaps I do know what that is. To let this seed of discord lay root on my heart and slowly work it's way into my head and actions.

Just last night I had this horrible dream that made me so scared when i woke up. Being trapped on Sudong Island with a murderer =/// And I had to hide and stay so quiet and calling for help. Can't help flipping the pages of my dream interpreter to understand what the dream was telling me.

Why must everything be so much reflections of each other =/ When there is something that can cause so much joy it can turn just as sour and sear you as sharply as a piercing knife. I told myself I would abandon everything a month ago didn't I? =X then why is it I never seemed to learn and I wanted to be hopeful and try again. As the days drew near I somehow could sense it in the air and through the power of feelings. That paranoid gut feeling~~~

Perhaps I always knew how things would turn out. But I was stubborn enough to hope things might turn out more differently as I expected. So I had held on to so much hope only to fall to rock bottom and hurt myself- So I see as I blog more frequently nowadays. Please PLEASE stop hurting yourself anymore Zhao Mian =/ Don't try so hard anymore... and worst don't try so hard to hurt yourself even more...