I asked myself whether it was possible to have a fresh start among a crowd of familiar faces. Obviously that is going to pose an additional challenge because the familiarity will simply jolt back memories like a toothache does when you chomp down on a sweet and icy dessert. But I reached a conclusion that there can only be two ways... It is either I try my best to not fail or it is that I fail before I even start. To me the answer is clear...
However... Just want to summarize this entire holidays... I learnt a lot about a lot of things. I went to hell and survived and went through a roller coaster of emotions. I was injured and helpless and in the face of adversity I chickened out and submitted. My pride was decimated and my hopes crushed. But this post ain't about my emotional rantings. No... But this holidays I also saw the face of a friend in many people that I met and caught up after a long while... I'm not going to mention real names but if that person is reading then I guess you'll probably know that I'm talking about you. Rest assured that it is all good things and heartfelt messages~
Let all stories start off with a person called A. Thank you A for meeting up with me even when you were working. We had lost contact for 3 years? It probably shocked you very much when I suddenly just came to you and unloaded my emotional turmoils. But you didn't complain and in fact you told me that it didn't matter if we had never met for years and years that I will still remain the same in your memories... You remembered me even after and sent me this funny picture just because it reminded you of me... Thank you A...
To this friend who was abroad since the start of my semester I'm so glad that you're finally back. I have so much to tell you about what had happened and how uni life turned out to be. Loved the postcard you sent while you were in Germany and even though you came back to Singapore with a terrible cough and a terrible jet lag of 13 hours... You still helped me bring my stuff over to Cinnamon =) My old old friend TLL... Of course not forgetting you, C. You drove your parents car just to help me carry my things over from my house to my hostel... Of all the things you could have done you always helped me when I needed it...
To a worried and devoted K... How long have we been at each others toes? haha... But you're still the same as ever. You met up with me for so many dinners this holidays to hear my sorrows and make me feel better. You entertained my late night calls and believed in me more than I believed myself... Your best friend too... R... as TLL goes overseas and come back you then have to leave to go to Torronto. All the best woman!! It keeps me comforted to know that even so far away that we are apart that you still tell me that you pray for me... Though of course I don't believe the act of praying - but the gesture is so comforting...
To my ex-competitor W and to my best friend in JC, YT. Thanks for accepting my sudden request to go Pulau Ubin, Though in the end we all got too lazy and went Siloso beach instead. You guys helped me think of creative ways to appraoch my problems and we went to OCEAN AQUARIUM!!! I had never been so happy for such a long time. But learning all those new fish facts and the fishes, it was the best 3 hours of my 2012.
A weird AFTC friend S whom we share the same horoscope and loved exactly the same things from life principals all the way to our favourite phones. So glad that we met up and the things you told me were so touching. Like a powerful shield you are always there like a defender to me. Always just believing that I am a good person when I don't think I am. You think of weird ways to help me haha... But in your eyes money doesn't matter... you just wanted to help me solve whatever nightmare I was facing... AWWWW
An unexpected friend that I met in Tengah. His name is L. Thanks for the birthday treat haha. We don't know each other well but I can always count on you to be there for me. Thanks for sub-letting me your small kitchen to bake a best friend's rainbow cake haha. It was so impromptu and your mum was so nice to me =) And of course, there is a guy called N. Probably one of my best friends in OCS. You are loyal as you are dependable. When I said I very sad want to go for a drink you just agreed even though you had so much work to do. I always talked and you just listened again and again. You saw me drink the alcohol and listened to my emo-whining. Yet you believed and had faith and told me that I need not prove anything to anyone... You believed me when I wanted to cry when others did not~
A scary friend, C who always scolded me for my bad grades and dependency on others. Until today I don't know why I still find you all the time when you always just scold me only haha. But you called counselling services for me and worried so much about me... haha... friends for so long already... Some things never change
Lastly... A new friend in uni named L. Thanks for being there for me when I almost hyperventilated and died. For talking on the phone with me when I felt so depressed. Hope we can be better friends in the days to come. Though I dare not think too much...
To a final final note... S... I see now why there is no such thing as 'giving up' for me. It is that I need not give up but only accept that somethings are no longer the same. I wanted so hard to revive the past because we were happy then as very good friends. I long for those days but I guess they are over. In days to come... I'll no longer try to revive that... In my heart you'll still be my best friend. But I know that nothing I do will ever change anything. So... I'm going to just keep it inside me and should time cause it to fade too... I hope you'll be happy and successful in all that you do sincerely... Always showing care and concern in hopes that you'll see me as a friend to be enjoyed too...
There is always criticism that there is no altruism that is pure. But I have listed so many... I think a lot of people feel that I resort to emotional black mail... and that I have expectations of people. I believe I had been altruistic because... when I'm in trouble and down and I had hoped that some people will be there for me =( But I consider I was altruistic because at the point of helping others and trying to make people happy... All I really did was sincere without any thoughts of returns... Believe it or not...
I really really... am not a liar~~
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