Some memories are just meant to be locked up forever. There's no need for a session of revelation or even a therapy session. We keep them somewhere safe. Somewhere nobody knows but god. Yet we had to have knowledge of this gateway hidden in the darkness. We had to watch ourselves play the joyful soul when deep down under we were oppressed of so much pain and hurt. Hurt that you would have imagined had eroded away with time and space-- yet it continues to haunt you like a vengeful spirit.
Why do you still haunt me every now and then. When the key reveals itself and forbidden doors are opened. All I wanted was to lead a life where I did not have to remember those painful memories; All I wanted was to become a passionate follower of Christ, devoid of my painful past and memories... But I guess a faith was no cure for dies that had already been cast. Am I to rationalize it and make it part of myself?
How to endure this torment? A whisper in the wind and a nightmare in a dream. All in the mind, yet so lucid. Because whenever keys to the past are seen they bring back flashes and glimpses of a life I wanted so readily to abandon. But like a calm and peaceful pool, a single ripple creates much wrinkles.
But face it... face the fact that the keys will never be destroyed from the face of the Earth. Pray all I want, but memories are meant to stay: they linger. They creep to you when you hate yourself and they prick your heart in the face of others. Where shall you hide? O lonely soul that is hidden in the darkness. Only wanting to lurk to avoid the truth. But they said and claimed... as did many accredited: The Truth Will Set You Free~
The truth is painful, the truth is vile. For whenever people got too close to the truth they ran away. Whenever I got too close, I lost all those I wanted to keep. I grasped a handful of silt to see the sediments slip away through the tiny gaps between my fingers. And so I distanced myself from this painful lesson. That there's pretty much nobody you could trust but yourself...
What am I hiding? What am I hiding that is so agonizing...
It still brought me back to the threshold. Even when I thought I had ran so far ahead I would never see it again. But at every turn of this path I walk... Never once did it cease to present to me a key to the lock-box in the crevices of my broken heart~
No comments:
Post a Comment