Deleting

Went through more than a thousand old SMSes today... and diligently deleted them one after the other... Wished there was a delete all function... Yet i couldn't find it... And as I marked and deleted messages 10 at a go... Until the 2135 msgs left... And I was all alone... by accident I discovered finally how to initiate the delete all function for large files...

Took a whole 15mins... for about one year's worth of messages to be gone just like that... Felt the light of the world... and a scarred and heavy heart loosened up... Asked myself... if i were happier nowadays... And I'm not sure really... But i do know this... I have it easier and I cry less often... Less stress and less hurt... though i do worry sometimes... But i keep it to myself...

I succeeded... nvr ever found anyone when i rmb and cry all about it... I decided i face it all alone... No more sharing with people... It's all me... And as i take a step to be a selfish being... I rmb someone once said... It's sometimes that one needs to be selfish as I get wake up slaps from my horrible test results... It's time for some studying for my own selfish sake... For I owe no one anything...

There is one great great regret though what had happened shall forever remain intact... Becuz as I ponder at night where the chaos all begun... I only realise perhaps if i never appeared at that time... things would have been better... Should have listened to toh Liling... Why the hell I go CDAYL or be a fac last time? Why dun i just be a scholar which i aspire to be... Never would have gotten twists of fate that way... and perhaps each person would take separate paths... and maybe... ... its bad i know... but u and her may not even be tgt today... But still... its a fact no one can deny that I served the purpose of the bridge at the starting point... Dun resent it... just treat it as i did a good deed...

I hate disappointing people... above all things else... And when i see myself today... I disappoint myself... Its a wreck from here... so how do i go from here? How do i forget and forgive?... ... ... ...Flashes still occur ever frequent but i hide it in... And some old fren of me also told me too... maybe... a physical frenship doesn't exist... but in the heart if u see someone as someone then that person shall be... But to encapsulate the spirits of people i see so noble... I guess its time to learn and be trying to achieve such nobility...

Nvr changed my heart ever... but for ur sake... i decided for once... perhaps to u u would say that for once... Let's do what u want... becuz what i want is what u want... ... That sentence i ever said... will forever hold... I only want... ... and nobody else... ... becuz ... ... ...

handphone is clean right now... no messages whatsoever... and less lag... cleared it out of its system... But imprints of the heart like fingerprints... they deem undeletable... as happy memories flood my mind and emo ones too... all frozen in the times when i want to see them... The ever vivd and livid flashes...