Finally visited the PSC scholarship website today to take a look at the essay which i am supposed to compose. It's no walk in the park or a time for facades to gain favour. I guess what the scholarship panel is looking for is a true honest and earnest voice, so I have to remember to tone down the malodrama and reach deep inside and ask myself what and how I am in life. Becuase the question this time: What are the values and beliefs you hold strongly to in life?
It is ironic, that is that such questions ever occured to me in my life even though i probably am living through one I have set innate in myself; just unconcious. I wouldn't brag about going through all problems in life. Yet, I guess I am exposed to a variety. Even problems pertaining to friendships I have went through, something which i never forsaw I would go through. Regrets nowadays for the discard of my H3. As fantasies of me going up on stage upon A levels release becomes ever lucid in my dreams. Becoming cocky perhaps... yet I wonder why but I just have this strange strong feeling that I am going to achieve all As.
Digressing as usual now... My mind is digging deep and searching frantic for answers about myself. sometimes I find myself an incredibly selfish person and also very evil, while other times I seem to tone down. And now I ask myself what I have lived by for this 18 years of my life. Those values I hold dear and expect of myself and people. and the crux of it all... in this haze... my personal philosophy that is truely mine and no one elses.
A voice that speaks louder than a crowd. something out of the norm yet neither dramaticised nor pretentious. If I were to say I believe in equivalent exchange I would be lying to myself. Because the world as we see it as I have seen myself is never fair. What about that of the survival of the fittest? Such eugenics, I might as well proclaim myself the next adolf hitler =.=.
It takes time to explore and indulge in your inner being. Going to take the time off to find out the answer for myself. Going to ask for some help too, but ultimately I know the real answer lies deep in thyself. To the senseless world now, I seek ambition in everything I seek. I search for answers in a moral maze and question my ethics. The degradation of core philosophy and hints of radicalism. Lets make something impressive =)
My GP is improving and my human geog seems to miraculousy become good. Hurray ^^V Thanks Ms Huang, Ms Zhou, Dr Gan, Ms Goh and Mrs Joey Tan. And somehow I rmb and hold fondly I feel I thank you too Mdm Sim...
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