Still thinking about a lot of lingering issues... Though I think the emotional tidal wave has subsided, I'm reflecting and pondering over the aftermath. I've forgotten about a lot of people apparently. Those flashes of people I used to play with when I was in kindergarten and in primary school. I could only vaguely remember the smiles and the fun we used to have. But ask me to name those figures in the distant memory, I seem to have forgotten some of them~~
For a time now... since the day I was reborn I had wanted to please people very much. I tried to be really nice to everyone and lowered my guard for all. I would say it was obvious I was sincere in all my approaches to people. I mean people can feel this and people sure can tell when people are just plain earnest in their intentions to be friendly and nice. But then...
I guess this world has gone to a stage where being too nice is suspicious and weird. Was it my fault? It wasn't. Neither was it anyone else's.
There wasn't any problem to begin with. I had no problem at all. So why the long face and the bitter days that just scudded? It was that I had a lot of negative thoughts and ideas all bottled up and then I could find no one to let it all out. It was also because I really felt lonely for a time =/ I really did... ... Because I suddenly feel really really alone when I wished I had the warmth of a group of good friends...
But I had a decent talk with someone and I felt better... ... Again... there was no problem at all... it's just about accepting. Accepting a fact of life that sooner or later when I grow older I am bound to accept. Perhaps when I cross over to the next stage in life... I will learn to value something different from what I value most now. But then no one would ever know what lies ahead...
So I wrote this post as the Sun went down. I saw beside me the skyline outside my window... A most beautiful magenta cloud lining the HDB flats... Where the red sun sunk into the blue sky. And a beautiful spectrum of purple hues~~~
I wonder... ...
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