Day started off as sucky as it went today... It all begun with a dream of something annoying. Of someone ps me and somehow I find myself waking up so upset I was crying in my dream, and really I wonder why I was so saddened by that ps when it occurs more often than not. I guess dreams are just unexplainable. But that emotional wave it felt more real than anything else...Though today was meant to celebrate my dear friend khairiyah's birthday. Sort of feel a bit down in the dumps from the very beginning. But I dun think anyone noticed it le bah. How to say... This is a new me. I've changed to become a positive force instead of a negative one. And I cleverly evaded all those sensitive qns which I expected to be fired at me so it went rather smoothly... My mind was constantly wandering today about a lot of random stuffs and those very subjective qns which ppl often critic as thinking too much...
Just keep asking myself so many qns today pertaining to human relations. Things from how to be a good fren to things like whether to give up on something when the future seems bleak at the moment. Sometimes I wonder if I truely open up to ppl at all. It's a quest to discover oneself and I feel it ever so pressurizing to do it quickly, becuz I'm kinda sick of those masks u pull in different situations. I hate hypocrites, yet I fear I myself am putting on a false image.
Khairiyah and Radhiah were commenting on how much I changed since I were in sec school. Say that I have way more confidence for some reason after I went to JJC and also got so much bolder and daring. Frankly I dunno why also. Used to be rather quiet and shy and also incofident of myself... I guess JC life shaped me. but that really got me thinking of whether changes are truely positive or negative. My relationship with my family has taken a downturn and now it has been reduced to a few words a day. sounds gloomy really... But I have this urge to leave home and be away from them for awhile dunno why. So i particularly look forward to my NS.
Someone made me angry today. I asked myself if I were petty. But really I thought the way it was answered disappointed me. It is more of disappointment becuz I always thought this person was sensible and sensitive enough. Not that much of angry. Just now feeling rather heavy and gloomy. Dun wanna care anymore those kind of feeling. Perhaps this was a misunderstanding bah... That the expression was just wrong. but in the midst of a wrong expression... I really got hurt alot. And I ask myself if that moment of folly showed some true color dare not expressed normally. for now I take a solemn disposition... Just wanna sleep the day away. Wanna sleep early today becuz I feel so fatigued both mentally and physically. And sadly I had so much good news to share today... bad day I guess... Phone also spoilt. =/
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